Bored, she makes little frogs...

New bloggie blog

2010-09-02T16:53:00.004-04:00

I think I'm all out of little frogs to make so go here
http://alice6things.blogspot.com/

and let's try this on for size...new address, new name, let's see if an app with help me get into this again...

Upgraded!!

2010-07-11T10:35:00.001-04:00

Yeah, that's right, I'm upwardly mobile & have been moved to business class for my 6 hour flight to LaLaLand (and straight on till morning) -I got to stretch out, sleep (which was desperately needed as I was already grumpy from only sleeping a bare hour), enjoy a real breakfast (with a glass of champagne) - ooh it was cushy! When I got called up to the podium when they were boarding, the United lady said in a whisper "looks like you won the lottery". Indeed. I consider it an goodness omen, an excellent sign of things to come!

Here I am swathed in my down alternative blanket ... merci beaucoup,oh ye travel gods!!

2010-07-06T12:40:00.000-04:00

Karma Repair Kit by Richard Brautigan

1.Get enough food to eat, and eat it.

2. Find a place to sleep where it is quiet, and sleep there.

3. Reduce intellectual and emotional noise until you arrive at the silence of yourself, and listen to it.

4.

This was how I spent my looooooong Independence Day Weekend - I did #4. And you know what? I loved it. I didn't do a whole lot and yet, much was accomplished. Mostly that means I had a set of tasks set out and I ticked most of them off as "done", walked around DESPITE the overbearing heat, street fairs, sitting in the park, people-watching, street fairing, netbook purchasing, Sephora goodie stops - that sort of thing. Mostly it was me getting ready to head to California on Saturday and be by my beloved ocean ooooh she can't wait to dip her toes in the sand and sea. I just need to live through this week, I have FAR too much going on - this week is just a continuation of last week where I felt I was forgetting to breathe and man, do I hate that feeling. I'm gonna do my best - to breathe, yet, but also smile - sometimes I forget to do that too, in my grumpitude.

You too - yes YOU - don't forget:

1. Breathing
2. Smiling

Do it now - feel better?

Celebrate YOUR Independence..

2010-07-06T12:29:00.002-04:00

listen to the mustnts, child,
listen to the donts
listen to the shouldnts,
the impossibles,
the wonts
listen to the never haves,
then listen close to me…
anything can happen, child,
anything can be.

— Shel Silverstein

(this was supposed to be my July 4th post but the pic got all screwy so now that I've corrected it, it's dated today - anyhoo...also, I totally forgot the source of the supercool pic so I apologize to whoever created it - it's lovely and makes me wish I had a head made from butterfly wings!!)

2010-06-29T22:20:00.001-04:00

"The moment one gives close attention to any thing, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself." — Henry Miller

Mazes! Gnomes! Lavender!

2010-06-29T18:59:00.000-04:00

If only Austraila were closer - I'd spend a LOT of time HERE:

http://ashcombemaze.com.au/

They have a hedge maze (with a hidden gnome!), a rose maze, a lavender maze, gardens...sigh...

Then, I'd have to go HERE as well - this sounds even MORE up my alley:

http://www.enchantedmaze.com.au/enchantedmazes

Enchanted mazes? The Amazing Lolly Shop? Fantasy Gardens? COME ON!!!!!!!

Life's a bowl of cherries-or sometimes just a handful

2010-06-27T19:11:00.001-04:00

"Life is just a bowl of cherries
Don't take it serious
Life's too mysterious
Life is just a bowl of cherries,
So live and laugh at it all."

Creepy Philly Photos

2010-06-24T17:56:00.000-04:00

I forgot to post these from the Philly trip - aren't they freaky?

2010-06-23T15:44:00.000-04:00

She looks at her reflection in the mirror, glass dusty and tarnished with disuse. She notices a girl on the other side, forlorn, transparent.There are fingerprints all along the edges and she begins to wonder: am I trying to get in or is she trying to get out? Before she can ask, the girl on the other side catches her eye, gives a wink and a sly smile and is gone...

2010-06-23T11:11:00.004-04:00

Let me keep my mind on what matters, which is mostly standing still and learning to be astonished, which is gratitude.
~Mary Oliver

First on the gratitude list this morning? MY OH MY do I make good coffee. I honestly do. Buying Bustelo instead of the cheaper espresso helps (yes, I do lean towards thirfty, much to my dismay, but I'm learning to spend more when it's meaningful and appropriate, i.e. whenever I want) but wow! for some reason, this current cup stands out as scrumdidiliumptious... and here it is in all its glory

2010-06-22T22:17:00.001-04:00

I find it odd that every time I look at the clock in the evening, the
time is 10:08 (my birthdate) ... does that mean something? Can I make
up a meaning for it? Or someone out there, if you care to - tell me
what to think about it

;-)

Also, on a side note: call me strange (hee - too late) but I love the
way the 42nd St stop on the 6 train smells - like a woodburning
fireplace or oven - from the market above?? It's quite yummy, even in
the swelter of summertime.

Caterpillar Days

2010-06-22T11:06:00.008-04:00

"Whenever you go out of doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost, drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put soul into every handclasp. Do not fear being misunderstood and do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies. Try to fix firmly in your mind what you would like to do; and then, without veering off direction, you will move straight to the goal. Keep your mind on the great and splendid things you would like to do, and then, as the days go gliding away, you will find yourself unconsciously seizing upon the opportunities that are required for the fulfillment of your desire, just as the coral insect takes from the running tide the element it needs. Picture in your mind the able, earnest and useful person you desire to be, and the thought you hold is hourly transforming you into that particular individual....Thought is supreme. Preserve a right mental attitude-the attitude of courage, frankness and good cheer. To think rightly is to create. All things come through desire and every sincere prayer is answered. We become like that on which our hearts are fixed. Whenever you go out of doors, carry your chin in and the crown of your head high.

We are gods in the chrysalis."

~Elbert Hubbard

"And then you break through
And dry before my eyes
Take me with you, where you hide tonight
Did you feel the beat in a fetal curl
Could you be original caterpillar girl
Crawling up the vine, splitting your spine
Flowing through the motion, leave a shell behind...
The birds, like me, want you now
We want you now
Caterpillar come out..."

~Lou Barlow

Touchstone Word for the Week? Simplify.

2010-06-20T19:48:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I go about pitying myself, and all the time I am being carried on great winds across the sky.
~ Chippewa, translated by Robert Bly

My niece is THE COOLEST!!!

2010-06-18T20:48:00.000-04:00

and she's so much like me...

Ugh, What a Week...

2010-06-18T19:15:00.003-04:00

I'm beyond exhausted, drained, all those things - drama at work, sadness for Dear Veronica, some highs & now a good Saturday planned: Mermaid Parade time!! Then a Brooklyn Cyclones vs. Staten Island Yankees game, hot dogs, a beer, Coney Island, beachy breezes and hopefully, onto a better next week. Okay, last time I went to the Mermaid Parade, I took about 200 pics - let's see if I exercise some restraint tomorrow. Now that I do believe I've figured out the Bloggie to Facebook thingamajig, I'm going home, to rest, read, eat kale, meditation time, then to SLEEP!!!

I do believe - by the way - this to be a terribly written post, but I'm really very tired and annoyed so I'm just trying to determine if the Facebook thing is figured out and then I WANT TO LEAVE MY OFFICE!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!

Big hugs all week to my teacup friend...

2010-06-18T17:42:00.001-04:00

Testing Testing

2010-06-18T16:45:00.002-04:00

I'm just seeing if how to update Bloggie then share on Facebook... did I do it? Let's see...

2010-06-14T18:56:00.002-04:00

Someone is having fun with the Red Giant Plastic Bullet app on her iPhone - it makes the mundane magical! This is just a plant in my office, the actual photo is quite dull - but shake a fairy wand at it and BRRNNGG!!! Ta da!

"Your imagination is your preview of life's coming attractions." ~Albert Einstein

2010-06-12T13:24:00.005-04:00

2010-06-05T17:28:00.000-04:00

The view from my bench ...

2010-06-02T17:19:00.002-04:00

I'm quite ambitious for my office garden - at the Botanical Garden this weekend, I got a wee bit swept up in all the bountiful Mother Natureness around me so I stopped by their garden shop and bought lavender, rosemary, basil, and mint for my herbiness and most excitingly, borage, nasturtiums, and marigolds - for - ta da! - EDIBLE FLOWERS!!!

The first time I had flowers on a salad, I was probably 12 or 13 years old and visiting family in Carmel, California and Aunt Beth put petals on top of the salad and I thought that was THE most magical thing you could have ever done to greens except maybe some sort of edible glitter bacon bits. And every once in a blue moon, I see a package of them at a gourmet deli but I thought I'd grow some myself and have a fairy-elven-magical type salad this summer - I'll come up with a formal, more poetic name once I get these growing.

About a month ago, I had started two little pots with seedlings and I watered and I protected and I hoped, but nothing happened. So, I figured the seeds were no longer viable, the soil was dead - something. And I gave up. But so as not to waste the soil, I just plopped it in this other plant and packed it down. Well look what's going on!

They are growing! It's a green thumb miracle! For some reason, however small a thing this is, it made me feel happy to see it when I came in to work yesterday and made me think of one of my favorite quotes:

“Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers, 'Grow, grow.'”

Moonstone Beach

2010-06-02T16:18:00.003-04:00

I don't even remember how I came across this blog http://pixiecampbell.typepad.com/ (most likely from someone else's blog) but as I was scrolling through some of her posts, I see that the author went to Cambria in California for Mother's Day and posted this photo of Moonstone Beach which I know very well. It's right down the cliff from my family's favorite restaurant The Sea Chest and we've gone walking here so many times, gathering driftwood, stones, taking in a glass of wine while waiting to get in the restaurant, or watching the sunset. I love rocks and pebbles to the point that I'm greedy and want them all when they are beautiful & smooth & multicolored like these - so you can guess by the picture that I could spend hours sitting there, just looking and hunting and gathering and then squirrelling them away - indeed, here is a photo of me doing just that the last time I was there in 2008!!

It's only the escargot and the calamari steak from the Sea Chest above me that beckons me away from my spot...but anyway, I loved her photo because up close, that what you see - the stones are all tiny and jewel-like, polished perfectly smooth, bits of jade and jasper like she says but also you find agates and moonstones...and in just over a month's time, I'll be back there so this made me feel wistful because I wouldn't mind being there now but for now, it's an image of something good to look forward to.

2010-06-01T22:29:00.002-04:00

Whenever, wherever, and with whoever you sense fear, close your eyes, breathe deeply into your heart, exhale some authentic prayers, and then imagine a million tiny drunk giddy angels dirty dancing with your cells.
~Sera Beak

2010-05-30T18:40:00.001-04:00

Poetry.
Park.
Peaceful.

2010-05-30T18:36:00.000-04:00

Eye Mask by Denise Levertov

In this dark I rest,
unready for the light which dawns
day after day,
eager to be shared.
Black silk, shelter me.
I need
more of the night before I open
eyes and heart
to illumination. I must still
grow in the dark like a root
not ready, not ready at all.

~~~~~~

Foundations by Leopold Staff

I built on the sand
And it tumbled down,
I built on a rock
And it tumbled down.
Now when I build, I shall begin
With the smoke from the chimney.

2010-05-29T15:55:00.001-04:00

Totally geeking out at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden ... just saw the most amazing butterfly in these blooms but couldn't capture it on film - so many colors! My senses are kicking into overdrive - as they should in a place like this ... very perfect - nice work God! Gold star!

2010-05-29T10:16:00.000-04:00

In the dew of little things, the heart finds it's morning and is refreshed.
~ Kahlil Gibran

Hmmm, little things such as my good coffee whilst reading, an open window with a slight cooling breeze, pretty little fun things bought yesterday as I wandered about after getting out of work early, feeling like my week was ever so hectic & yet I did a good job of keeping myself balanced (for once) and present in the moment which makes me feel capable, which makes me feel like a real adult, not some child playing dress up which is usually how I feel! I'm okay with that by the way, I have an idea that it will prevent aging oh if I can just stay young at heart! Wrinkles may come, but heart & soul, may you stay smooth as a baby...

2010-05-26T18:11:00.002-04:00

SOOOOO tired lately - maybe I'm still run down from being sick last week, from running nonstop all around Philadelphia last weekend - my aching legs just stopped hurting today which shows you I've been hibernating all winter because usually, I can walk and walk and walk - fast too - and feel nothing but oooooo was I feeling like the Little Mermaid when she came on land. I need to find a way to balance things out more, less feeling like go go go during the week, wearing myself out to the point that the weekend rolls around and I feel like I could just curl up like a roly-poly bug and not move until it was required of me - you know, for food and bathing and such. Even that proves difficult. Bottom line is, I feel slothful. And that is despicable. A deadly sin.

Must repent. Must become virtuous. Move move MORE, eat BETTER, sleep LONGER, etc etc etc...you know the drill. Live,not just exist. That kind of thing.

2010-05-22T23:12:00.002-04:00

Candlelit ghost tour in Philadelphia- why do I find it funny that it's always me and the nine year olds up at the front, hanging on the guide's every spooky word? Think I found my age group ...

2010-05-22T08:08:00.001-04:00

She's made it to the City Of Brotherly Love and she is awake now, yes it's finally morning, 7:34, and I purposely left the drapes open last night so that the sun would greet me. Except there isnt much sun - mostly gray out there & I didn't know that I would have such a choppy night of sleep & maybe wouldn't want that light creeping in to bother me - weird dreams, kept feeling I was awake but the would wake up so I must have been sleeping,right? Disorienting.

I realized last night this is the first time I've been in a hotel room by myself (it seemed oh TOO quiet at first) since ten years ago when I had to come here for work a couple of times a year and it brought back memories - all good ones actually - of catching the train (Amtrak because we didn't have to pay for it), working all sorts of crazy hours because we'd have a deadline to meet & never being able to see much except the few blocks around the office which was right across
from City Hall so this is my second trip back to see more "stuff" and really enjoy it - even last time I came only for a day and it was rush rush - fun but too quick. So this mini trip, I hope we can stroll a bit more, not run place to place.

Onto the stuff then!! But first - COFFEE...

2010-05-21T13:31:00.001-04:00

For all that has been, thanks; to all that will be, yes.
~ Dag Hammarskjold

2010-05-21T10:58:00.002-04:00

Ah bliss bliss sip sip ... yes, still in pjs, still laying in bed (on top of it), still drinking my good coffee, reading & jotting things down - notes to self - breeze blowing my curtains gently, slightly cool still, sun shining and so yes bliss bliss sip sip ... just enjoying a peaceful morning home from work because soon it will be vroom vroom go go as I pack and train it to Philadelphia for the weekend so I am gathering my energy now so I can walk my socks off and have a mini historically inclined adventure - most needed by me at the moment. But for now, let me return to bliss bliss sip sip..

Oh, The Lovely Poem du Jour

2010-05-20T11:56:00.007-04:00

The Secret of Life ~ Ellen Goldsmith

I grabbed the streetcar from Fisherman's Wharf
to the Ferry Building to save my feet for later.
My dollar bill, wrinkled and worn, resisted disappearing
into the slot. I stuffed the transfer
in my pocket without looking.

As the streetcar rounded the Embarcadero,
I called my mother-in-law with mother's day wishes,
imagined the conversation
I'd have with mine, were she alive.
On exiting, I asked the conductor
how long the transfer would last.
I gave you extra time, he said.
Just show it. Hardly anyone looks.
It's good until it's taken away.

2010-05-17T22:51:00.001-04:00

Just finished reading Little Altars Everywhere - awesomely beautifully sad funny all at once - SO my sort of book. But favorite line?

"...we all get Cokes too, even though Daddy says that having a cold drink before twelve noon is 'a whore's breakfast.'"

Sip on that, all you people out there buying iced lattes from the coffee cart tomorrow morning ... I see you!!!

Now I'm dying to get/read the other 3 books by Rebecca Wells but for now, to sleep because, yes, she's down with a cold yet again - I swear, if this were the olden days, (the days of yore) they'd send me off to the sanitarium to recover my health. Or if I had been wealthy in ye olde tymes, take the waters at Baden-Baden. I do know that I'm quite tired of getting a bug or a cold every 6 weeks & it always seems to hit at a bad time - in this case going to Philly with some friends this weekend while dealing with extra special work stress.

So to bed to sleep then where I wish myself sweet dreams and an unstuffy nose and a head that doesn't feel like lead...

2010-05-12T18:46:00.005-04:00

"Nobody can be exactly like me.

Sometimes even I have trouble doing it."
~Tallulah Bankhead (1903 – 1968)

(I know exactly what you mean Tallulah...)

And lookee here - if I had a garden, it would be filled with gnomes - real and otherwise!

Buddha-like meditating gnomes!! Luuuuve these! But I actually don't like it when they portray gnomes to look like this - these are more dwarvian. EVERYONE knows that gnomes look like this:

Aujoud'hui, I say "merci!"...

2010-04-27T10:45:00.006-04:00

parce que the older gentleman on the who plays the accordion on the uptown platform of the 6 train at 51st street is back and he toujours makes me feel like I'm starring in a French film ... so bienvenue et merci - you were missed!

I always mean to go to that side of the platform and drop something in his chapeau but since I'm always et forever en retard, I never remember to...

Peut-etre a demain...peut-etre...

P.S - my hair makes me feel very Amelie-ish too - so VIVE LA FRANCE!!!!!!

2010-04-24T14:10:00.000-04:00

The motto of the weekend, you ask?

"There must be always remaining in every life, some place for the
singing of angels, some place for that which in itself is breathless
and beautiful."
~ Howard Thurman

A very busy week, ending with me realizing I didn't breathe for most
of it so the goal for the next 2 days is to inhale some sunshine,
something beautiful, and feel peaceful ...

Sent from my iPhone

2010-04-22T23:53:00.001-04:00

"Everything you can imagine is real."

- Pablo Picasso

2010-04-22T20:34:00.001-04:00

Fancy kombucha time! I stayed strong
with the no-vino credo! Let me now get to my 30Rock and Office
giggling <contentedsigh>

When the day echoes your moods..

2010-04-22T18:50:00.006-04:00

What a whirlwind...thunderstorms, raindrops, bright sunnyshine, rush rush, 2 meetings, barely time for the eating of the lunch (a handmade delight by the way, sort of my version of fattoush and tabouli but with quinoa instead and no pita), barely any coffee ( I know EGADS!), the state of mind going up & down, zigzag sideways, wiggling to irritated then blooming right back up to okayhood and right now I feel mostly like I'm in need of a glass of wine.

But I'm trying not to do that. I'm trying to be sooperdooper healthy, remember? Get my strength back up so I'll settle for picking up my laundry from the Magical Miraculous Laundress (so-called because of their use of "Magic" soap and "Aura Clean" bleach and softener - seriously, these are truly Laundry Fairy Godmothers!), making some kava tea, watching the Office and then to bed at 10. I need SLEEP. This entire week, I've tried to go to sleep early and to no avail - wide awake and bleary-eyed at 1am. Toss and turn. Once I get to sleep, I'm fine, but it's just the getting there part that needs work.

Sigh...I'm one tired lady. I've hardly been outside in fresh air all week, that's how crazed things have been. I simultaneously love and detest those times - I love to be busy, I love having projects to work on but I don't like it when I get in those modes where I feel like taking a break is a big deal. Must remember to breathe. Must remember to get some sunlight on that face. Especially because it's Springtime...

"Springtime!
Spring Time!
La

la la
la"

Now, I do believe I'll walk to Grand Central to get some fresh evening air time in my system... gute nacht!

2010-04-22T00:52:00.001-04:00

Quotes to place under my pillow, to sleep on..,

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle.

- Philo of Alexandria

When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.

- Willie Nelson

Look how pretty it is!!!

2010-04-20T18:17:00.001-04:00

She has THE cutest bloggie stuff - I suspect I will be playing with the backgrounds (particularly around the holidays) and colors and stuff but for now, I'll leave it as you see it now

http://blo64rt.blogspot.com/

test photo sent to Bloggie via iPhone

2010-04-19T14:23:00.001-04:00

Finally, I figured out how to post pics from my phone directly TO bloggie - what is it though?

2010-04-16T13:52:00.001-04:00

Found at A Clear Path to Happy's blog - this should be my (ours, yours) daily wish, midday thought, bedtime prayer:

May I be happy.
May my friends be happy.
May my enemies be happy.
May all beings everywhere be happy.

The Psychology of Good Hair

2010-04-15T17:35:00.005-04:00

I had sort of an weirdly anxious week. What I realized in getting "The Hair" chopped off was that "The Hair" was totally acting as a security blanket, something to hide behind. Coming into work on Monday, I suddenly felt very exposed so I'm guessing that "The Hair" had made me feel very something all these years - secure? Girly (because I'm not really girly)? I never had really long hair before and while I did like it, that hair was old - it's been around for years. So cutting it off made me feel like it was a good omen, a fresh start perhaps, a portentous ritual for Spring? Something like that. In any case, it's something that has made me feel better (so far) and much more comfortable in my skin in some ways. I could be wrong, but I think it suits my personality better.

I feel ... lighter.

We'll see how long the good vibe surrounding it lasts - you know me ... all it will take is one bad photo of it or one terrible hair day to ruin my love of it and for my raised self-esteem to come crashing down. I crumble easily in such situations.

However, I seem to be better at picking up my pieces and putting them back together again; quicker about the task, too. Has the puzzle gotten easier or am I just more skilled?

2010-04-14T11:34:00.001-04:00

Last night, as I was sleeping,
I dreamt -- marvelous error! --
that I had a beehive
here inside my heart.
And the golden bees
were making white combs
and sweet honey
from my old failures.

~Antonio Machado (Trans. Robert Bly)

2010-04-07T18:23:00.005-04:00

I think I've outwitted this weird Springtime heat (is it truly 88 degrees right now? REALLY?) by not leaving my office all day... I hate the fact that I haven't had fresh air since 10:30 though but it was one of those days, one thing after another, my jaw is all tight and clenched (my poor teeths!) and I do believe a small sip of wine (just one small glass) would be really fine right now. Once I get home, I mean. Ah, sweet Chardonnay, you are my friend.

But my point is - heat?

YOU ARE NOT WELCOME.

GO AWAY.

One more day in the 80's and then back to the lovely 50's and 60's which are necessary to create the awesome greenness and blossoms and blooming that needs to occur. More rain even, I'll take it. Just no warmth. Not so soon...

2010-04-07T12:28:00.003-04:00

So is the glass half-full or half-empty?

Massage that Kale

2010-04-06T18:14:00.005-04:00

So in an attempt to get my cheeks rosy again, my pruneface diminished, my all-encompassing "glow" back, I'm trying to be sooperdooper healthy girl. So that means doing things that I know work for me, that I know make me feel good and right as rain (or sun) in my skin.

Last night's dinner is a good example. I massaged some kale with toasted sesame oil, some mirin, a splash of teriyaki, threw in some dried cranberries and walnuts, sprinkled ground flax on top and you have a raw veggie delight. Why massage? I learned about that in a class I took 2 years ago at the yoga place and it's a good way to keep the greens - which are a bit tough - raw to get the maximum vitamins & minerals but breaks them down enough to tenderize and changes the flavor slightly. I like it cooked as well but this was QUITE tasty (and I took a photo because it

looked pretty - those garnet berries!) and I felt good after so that one goes in the books. And my teacher talked about sort of praying into it while you are massaging it so that when you digest it, you are "eating" the love you put into it, so to speak. I just like that idea a whole lot, sort of like when you say grace before the meal but this is while you are making the food - it makes sense. And then if you know about all the Emoto stuff with the water crystals (which I'm fascinated by) well than let us think good thoughts over everything, yes?

YES! (I know, it's all sort of hippie-dippie-new-agey stuff, but I like all that so I'm fine with trying it.) Plus, as Veronica will attest - things taste best when made with love - during college, the UFM Coffee Guy ALWAYS made his coffee with love and when we saw him behind the counter, we knew a good cup was coming up and would make us study better. Right. It all trickles down to other things.

And then here at work we have today's delights, including kombucha, some supergreen powder, a teaspoon of organic molasses in hot water (instead of afternoon coffee - it's got a ton of iron and magnesium), and of course - a big fat slice of cake.

YUM. Got to keep it all in balance, right? All work and no play makes Nik a dull person. So let me eat cake!

Now to balance it, I'm thinking roasted asparagus for dinner...

The Sacred Path of the Warrior

2010-04-05T15:36:00.006-04:00

Acknowledging fear is not a cause for depression

or discouragement. Because we possess such fear,

we also are potentially entitled to experience fearlessness.

True fearlessness is not the reduction of fear

but going beyond fear.

~Chogyam Trungpa

To be nobody -- but yourself -- in a world

which is doing its best night and day

to make you everybody else -- means to fight

the hardest battle which any human being

can fight and never stop fighting.

~e.e. cummings

Texan Photos: Proof of Recovered Muchness!

2010-04-05T12:26:00.005-04:00

Courtesy of Veronica's iPhone & Facebook posts:

Can you tell we got a kick out of Willie's Place? Well who doesn't love Willie Nelson??!!

An attempt to take a self portrait of the three of us but alas, Little Buddy's arms are too short to fit Cindy in..also, I have a large head!

Mrs. Grant and I

Veronica's Mom and I at the House of Happy Hands!

Another try at a photo of the Three Amigos - this time, we stopped some drunk guy and as you can see, his finger is in the shot...

As I eat a Peep & some chocolate egg for "breakfast", I remember

2010-04-02T11:52:00.005-04:00

...sitting at the dining room table, the constant smell of warm white vinegar as we dyed eggs, dozens and dozens of bright and beautiful eggs (what did we do with them all?)

... my cousin Jamie's famous egg, the ugliest egg ever, dipped in every single color and so it became a gray/brown muddle but its perfect because we still remember it the most out of all of the thousands of eggs we've colored and she was so little and so proud of it

...watching the Sound of Music - it was only ever on once a year, usually at Easter but at some point, they switched it to Christmastime too, but I always associate it Eastertime

...waking up the next morning and running around trying to find where in the house the Easter Baskets were hidden; usually, I would spy Snow White's first or she would see mine and we'd get all excited "I FOUND IT!!! But it's not mine..." and then the other would scurry over to see where the other sister had just been...

... getting a new bathing suit from Grandma Max for the season and wanting to wear it RIGHT AWAY

... our sugar panoramic eggs

... the bestest thing , our Easter egg hunt, which involved my mother calling forth her inner rap star and coming up with these awesome rhymes for clues. She would put coins and a clue to the next egg in each plastic shell and at the end of it all, Snow and I would add up the money and split it

... having to get prettied up for church - which would be annoying because it would be packed with the 2 X a Year People (a.k.a The Bad Catholics)

... squirming the whole time because we wanted to get home to use the bathing suit, eat candy (which we always gave up for Lent so today, at long last, we could eat as much as we liked) and take our first dip of the year in the pool. Daddy would stay home to take the cover off and clean it, we'd go pick up Grandma Marion after Mass and then it was back home to See's chocolate eggs cut up into slices, ham, potato salad (or maybe egg salad - DUH!) running from the house and jumping straight in the pool and SCREAMING because it was so GODAWFUL COLD.

But it was so much FUN.

Snow White, Mom, Daddy - what else am I forgetting??

Would it be pathetic

2010-03-31T18:55:00.005-04:00

if I ordered myself one of these beds? http://www.sweetdreambed.com/pricing.html

OMG! I understand they are meant for little girls, but COME ON UNIVERSE!!! Surely you knew that I was going to watch "Kimora:Life in the Fab Lane" last Sunday and surely you knew that I would spy these beds bought for Ming and Aoki and desire one with all my heart RIGHT THAT MINUTE!!!

I know, I know, they are for little girls...I really don't care...look at these beds, tell me you don't want one too..I dare you

And Universe, don't make the Airplane joke (don't call me Shirley)

Anyhow, as luck would have it, I'm ill, I'm going home to drink massive amounts of my homemade ginger immunity booster tea - I woke up Monday morning with my head swirling, like Alice down the rabbit hole, my throat and chest achy, my nose all stuffy and so I stayed in bed and called in sick to rest. Which I did but it's now 2 days later and my chest hurts more and I'm weary all over - this always seems to happen like a week after I fly anywhere - next trip, I'm trying that Airborne stuff and see if that helps me - at least I can be grateful enough that I felt blissful the whole time I was in Texas and I must counting my blessings that I wasn't sick there. Nothing was to get in the way of AdobeCar Time!!!

But I do look quite ugly, I look like that lady in those awful Halls ads I kept seeing in the subway all winter - I HATED these ads, for some reason, they pissed me off, I wanted to smack them, they made me feel icky just to look at them...and now...I look just like her...

UGH. Must get prettier soon.

From the Sanrio Vineyards...

2010-03-30T17:55:00.006-04:00

They must have had me in mind when they came up with this...you know I'd want every SINGLE bottle - this is just way too cute for me and my Hello Kitty loving heart...

http://blogs.laweekly.com/squidink/wine/will-you-see-hello-kitty/

Hello Kitty Sparkling Brut Rosé - A deep reddish pink sparkling rose made from 100% Pinot Noir that has a frothy mousse as well as a pretty nose of rose petal and red currant scents.

Hello Kitty Sparkling "Sweet Pink" (Half Size) - This semi-sweet sparkler sports a pale pink hue and has very delicate bubbles.

2008 Hello Kitty Angel White - This is a fresh, very "blanc" white wine made entirely from Pinot Noir free run juice.

2006 Hello Kitty Devil Red - Garnet red with brickish highlights, this is a classically rendered Pinot Noir that presents a seductive bouquet of wild flowers and forest aromas.

Oh I must seek this out... where are you in NYC, Hello Kitty Vino?

2010-03-26T21:54:00.002-04:00

Test post from my new iphone!

For Emergencies ONLY

2010-03-26T10:40:00.003-04:00

Some new keys that were added recently to my keyboard here at work...just in case...

Thumbs UP!

2010-03-25T16:57:00.003-04:00

for She and Him Volume 2

Luverly luverly - I may like it better than Volume 1 but this is just my first listen...

The Creep

2010-03-25T16:09:00.002-04:00

There is a fine line between casually observing others around you (which I do all the time and which I love to do - we are all very fascinating) and that point where it becomes creepy, where the gaze lingers just a bit too long, the eyes scanning everyone in the train up and down then up again, slowly taking in whatever is arousing your curiosity about them.

The older man leaned against the subway door - he looked left over from the Eighties, his hair out of date, too poofy, the bushy moustache no longer in style. His suit was quite elegant and it fit him well and he looked as if he was headed to a meeting of some sort or an interview, just well groomed enough to suggest he had some money, that he wasn't just spiffing it up for the occasion. I imagined he was new to this world or planet and placed here to gather data and this was the disguise they gave him, "to blend in". He turned his head to the left, his eyes not missing a body, then to the right in the same way, and his face stayed impassive, as if he was merely curious about what he had been sent here to see, our human ways, our culture, our way of dressing, of doing our hair. "I must observe them in order to become one of them", he must be thinking.

But then his gaze would rest far too long one of the women and then it was no longer a mystery. The lingering looks had become weird, bordering on offensive and I find myself irritated by him and wanting to ask him to knock it off. He now seemed predatory; you could imagine him having dark thoughts and ideas of what he would do if only...if only...

CTRL+ALT+DELETE

2010-03-22T10:17:00.002-04:00

Then reboot! Yes, I've been on defrag and reboot phase these past few days and it has been the best treat I do believe I've bought for myself. St Patrick's Day, lucky four-leaf clover ring on hand, I jumped a flight to Charlotte, then to Dallas where I was met by my Little Buddy and off we drove to San Antonio - let the nonstop giggling commence! Lets see, what did we do, what did we see? Bugtussle Lane (I just like the name), bluebonnets, mountain laurel, a humorous stop at Willie's Place for some of Willie's Bio-Diesel fuel, home cooked tacos & fish & a huge breakfast by Mommy Delgado, La Villita shopping & browsing, snow cones & Casa Salazar for a new ring (of course, how can I resist that?) 5 GLORIOUSLY funnylovely hours with Cindy with even more laughing by the River Walk, AliceinWonderland-themed Late Night at the Dallas Museum of Art on Friday, a little shopping, a little makeup, followed by one of the yummiest (because it was "made with love") vegetarian meal at a Hare Krishna temple on Saturday and can you believe it SNOW on the first day of Spring - in TEXAS??? 3D Alice (SO AWESOME because I agreed that it's okay if I'm mad because all the best people are) and Wellies (for rain puddle stomping) and other little goodies bought at Target yesterday, capped off with a fire in the fireplace (I'm very jealous of her fireplace) and a creepy Swedish vampire film which, thankfully, did not give me nightmares.

And that brings us to now, to me sitting on the couch as I type this, lounging in pj's on Little Buddy's couch while she poses as a teacher at work (ha, I STILL don't believe they call her Ms. Delgado) and I get to be a bum and drink coffee and read and watch the Today show. Tomorrow I return to the Big City (sadly) but let me focus on one more day of vacation and with that, let me get back to my resting and reading on the sofa....

Today's Cledon

2010-03-12T16:19:00.002-05:00

(What's a cledon? Originating from ancient Greek culture when people consulted the oracle of Apollo to ask a question, the concept of a cledon is where other unsuspecting people are used by God - or as they say in Clash of the Titans "by the gods - to convey a message to the inquiring person. In the past, this was through getting a message through overhearing a conversation between others, or when someone else who doesn't know about one's question answers it. In this day, it's also likely through seeing a headline or a billboard, or through hearing a certain song on the radio, or even watching something on TV)

As I stood on the corner of 30th and Park, waiting to cross, I heard it, quite loudly, quite clear:

"Stop being such a pussy"

Indeed.

"Good soup draws the chair to it"

2010-03-12T15:41:00.003-05:00

(2 posts in one day, what have you fine people been doing to deserve such a treat?)

And so we begin with a fine Ghanian proverb that fits well with the day - it's so rainy and raw and chilly to the bone. Some soup or hot cocoa and a nap would be mighty fine right now.

But, alas, I did not have any such good soup for lunch, it was instead a turkey sandwich. Yes. Excitement reigns. Blah.

Blah.

BLAH.

Now, I've been feeling the way the day looks so I decided to do something about that. On Wednesday, I called Good Ole Lil' Texan Buddy and asked if she was doing anything next week - was she perhaps on Spring Break? Then I asked Good Ole Boss if I could please take a few days off, hmm, let's see, how about a whole week? To which he replied "I was wondering how you've gone since the beginning of January with out one single day off."

And so an aeroplane ticket was purchased and so it is with great glee and bliss that I announce I shall be Texas-bound next Wednesday at 8:30 am and shall be returning not sooner that the following Tuesday - YIPPEEE!!! I get to see Veronica, drive to San Antonio and spend 3 days there, see Cindy, and laugh SO FREAKING MUCH.

My stomach muscles hurt already.

I need that. I feel like a great weight has been lifted, a hint of blue sky seeping through the cracks of the rainy day, for I'm guaranteed to feel complete and utter happiness at just the mere thought of my Tex-Mex adventure.

It's what happens when you fuse German (and Russian/Swedish) engineering with Mexican knowhow.

Celebrity Rehab, David Sedaris, & Me

2010-03-12T15:05:00.004-05:00

So I love watching Celebrity Rehab and Sober House on VH1 - I just do, I'm not going to defend it. I find it interesting, so there. And it doesn't help that I have a slight crush on Dr. Drew (who doesn't?) and when he looks so understanding at the patient describing something painful - I've also developed a David Sedaris crush, but I'll get to that later. I love Amy so doesn't it make sense that I think that I could somehow turn him straight and then marry him and then be able to take part in the superwackyfunness of their family? I already have the superwacky part down and I think Amy would make such a fantastic sister-in-law... we could do crafts and baking together... if only...

Anyway, I wanted to comment that I found it interesting that out of all the latest participants of Celebrity Rehab, I found myself rooting for Heidi Fleiss to be the one that comes out of this totally sober, cleaned up and turned around. When they hinted that someone in the house tested positive for meth and then cut to the break, inside I got nervous and said "please don't make it be Heidi". Why her? I want them all to do well but for some reason, my heart goes out to her. I guess I feel sorry for her; she looks like a dog that's been kicked far too many times, like one of those patchy skinny puppies on the ASPCA ad with Sarah McLachlan, like some one who's dug herself a deep hole and she can't get out of it by herself.

I was just surprised that out of all of them, she was the one I seemed to have picked out to support mentally from afar. I have a feeling she might not make it, I read somewhere that she's marrying the guy who owns the Bunny Ranch and lives near Death Valley- that's only a few hours from my parents, maybe one of them could drive out and check on her.

Not Daddy though.

Now the David Sedaris thing. I've been suffering from a REALLY bad mood lately. Which is one reason I haven't been good about posting here. I feel like all I do is complain and describe what fresh shitty mood has descended or why things aren't to my liking. It seems to be the trend of this year, so I'm trying to halt it and fend it off and do something about it, but feel it's boring to those not taking part in BitchFestIHateTheWorld&EveryoneInIt 2010 (it's a party of 1) so I'm declining to discuss it.

Last week, I discovered was how much a Daily Dose of David can assist that cause and so I'm sharing it because maybe Mr. Sedaris can help you too. When Veronica visited in November, she left "When You Are Engulfed In Flames" for me to read and I hadn't touched it until last week when I decided to pick it up because I thought laughing a little would distract me from the Foul Mood Brain Drain. And it did. I devoured it in 2 nights and was laughing aloud by myself which always makes me feel like my neighbor must think I'm a bit bonkers if he can hear me. So I've proceeded to read one story/essay/chapter a day (sometimes more) as a way of self-medicating. I had only read "Dress Your Family in Corduroy & Denim" so I've got enough to last me a few weeks. After that - well lets just focus on the now. It's helping.

Kombucha = Buzzy Hearted

2010-02-26T15:07:00.009-05:00

When I ventured out for my lunchmeal (avocado sundried tomato sandwich & banana) I decided to try a GT's Kombucha for the first time - I keep hearing/reading about this fermented mushroombacteriayeast drink.

Firstly - yummy. Tastes slightly vinegary, slightly champagney, slightly gingeraley, topped off with a seaside-kelpy smell. I like it but I am an odd one so don't blame me if you open a bottle and instantly say "ew".

Secondly - I feel slightly buzzy in the head and in my insides - not like drunk but just - buzzy. It's a good feeling actually - except that I'm at work and I feel sort of - hmmm - buzzy. No other way to put that, is there? My brain feels tingly - how about that?

Therefore - I most ecstatically proclaim my kombucha experience a success and if only it were a bit cheaper, I could see it becoming a daily thing. Maybe I'll just save it as a treat for those trying times when you heart feels shrivelled and a little buzz buzz will do it some good.

2010-02-26T12:07:00.006-05:00

Well.

What started out as a snowstorm of little promise has turned into something so beautiful. Much more so than I anticipated last night on my way home; it was just slushy and wet, and so I predicted just a gray mess today, but this morning I was greeted by a definite Winter Wonderland. Downright Narniaesque. Where is the the White Witch Ice Queen, where are the fauns? Aslan? Hiding for sure, bundled up under furs and and tucked into hollows for warmth.

I really would have liked to see a faun though. Perhaps one will slip out of hiding at some point.

I made it in to work - late - but still I came in so now it's all cozy and the snow is still falling softly and I have my blinds pulled all the way back so I can see it all and there is that lovely kind of thing happening where it looks like the outside is a snowglobe and someone has shook it and you can see each the flake fall in every direction but sort of hung in suspension and then swirls one way and then some go sideways and some just go straight down to the ground and others seem to defy gravity and the laws of the world and seem to be falling up.

Is it possible to fall up?

I think it may just be.

And, according to Professor Serge Gavronsky, it's possible for an elevator to go sideways so why not fall up...

Isn't that so Veronica?

Learn to See Through Flames

2010-02-25T11:56:00.007-05:00

Yes, the earworms have returned, this time in the form of a Massive Attack song; this has been on repeat on the iPod since last week, love love love it:

Pray For Rain
In deepest hollow of our minds
A system failure left behind
And their necks crane
As they turn to pray for rain
And their necks crane

Dull residue of what once was
A shattered cloud of swirling doves
And their eyes change
As they learn to see through flames
And their necks crane
As they turn to pray for rain...

Drops on rocks fall fast and fleeting
Hearts and wings commence to beating
Woods unseen with all believing
Vision walls fall all receding
Vision walls fall all receding
Drops on rocks come fast and fleeting
Rhythm laws unleash their meaning
Usher us into the dreaming
Vision walls fall all receding
Hearts and wings commence to beating
All unending all completing
Vision walls fall fast and fleeting
Vision walls fall all revealing
Vision walls fall all revealing
Vision walls fall all revealing
Vision walls fall all revealing...

LOVE-LY

Snowicane!

2010-02-25T11:45:00.006-05:00

They make it sound so serious ...

"A Winter Storm Warning is in effect. A significant winter storm or hazardous winter weather is occurring, imminent, or likely, and is a threat to life and property. Stay vigilant for severe weather. "

Stay vigilant indeed. I have. I shall.

So far, it's all a mushy wet mix of rain and snow, nice big fat flakes falling as I was coming to work, but as I look out my window now, the flakes are now raindrops and I'm left to wonder when this last (I'm guessing, not hoping), luscious, lovely storm will arrive. It's coming, it's on it's way (so they keep telling me).

Sigh.

I know I've been MIA - I've been feeling like I haven't had much to share or say or just wasn't in the mood to so I didn't or just too busy/preoccupied with Stuff and very busy watching the Olympics - did you know I'm a big nerd about the Olympics, I love Olympic years! But please know I have not abandoned the Good Ship Bloggie yet; I shall persevere, continue on, hack my way through and somehow come out the other end having endured and emerged the better for it.

Do I sound dramatic? Hmmm. Perhaps. Maybe I'm just trying to keep up with the weather.com writers. I do enjoy a good storm though. I like the excitement of the ride...cloudy days full of rain, snow, hail, who knows what are always preferred to banal blue skies.

Stay vigilant. Storms are imminent.

Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door

2010-02-05T18:28:00.003-05:00

~ Emily Dickinson

Funny, when I was home at Christmas, I parted my hair in the middle and pulled it back down low, over my ears and into a bun and I asked my mother didn't I look like Emily Dickinson.

She said no, you look like Octomom - HA!!!!

Sad thing is, I did...minus those big wormy lips.

So that's my hopeful quote of the day, hopeful for a blissful weekend of course - it's supposed to be a big snowstorm here and I intend to enjoy the winter wonderland as it might be the last snow of the season - you never know. Just a walk in the park or around and about the Upper West Side should do it tomorrow, before I head to the ballet - Sleeping Beauty at Lincoln Center. Just me myself and I - yep, I'm taking myself out. Next week is Swan Lake - I got cheap cheap tix for both and I don't know anyone else who likes the ballet so I'm stuck with myself. That's fine, I'm good company.

Time to bundle now and head out - bring on the flakes!

Rumi Medicine

2010-02-04T15:18:00.002-05:00

Come, come, whoever you are-
Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving-
What does it matter?
Ours is not a caravan of despair.
Come, even if you have broken your vow
A hundred times-
Come, come again, come.

The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes
because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

In the Belly

2010-02-02T17:00:00.006-05:00

That's the traditional translation of today's holiday (um, not Groundhog's Day but more the Celtic Brigid's Day (pre-Christian sainthood of course, I'm not going to include the "St." - they just made her a saint so that it would be appropriate for the conquered Celts to keep praying to her) - she gives birth to Spring and so it was a day to say HEY THERE hold on, have some hope, even though food supplies are scarce and it's still so dark and cold, and yes, better, warmer times will come around again on the wheel. So what's in the belly...

Six more weeks of winter says the groundhog and so you have to wait and be much more patient for things to blossom and bloom, don't you? Yes, I'm speaking metaphorically as well as literally.

Such as? Well, it was my third week in a row of yoga. I'm very proud of myself for sticking to it and let us bless it to continue. I've fought with myself beforehand "oh I'd rather stay home, oh but you'll feel so good afterwards and you'll be HAPPY, oh but I'm sleepy and I have all these things to do, oh but you'll never do them anyhow, you'll just lay and read and wander, won't you, so GO!"

And I went. And I felt so much better for it. Whatever it does to the body is great, I know I looked and felt physically better when I was going to a class on a regular basis, but the mental and emotional peace is what I missed all this time. It completely short circuits any depression, foul-mood, blues, mean reds, etc. Most excellent. She sighs with contentment ... if only the other things of life were that simple... my other thing that it's in the belly is how to learn to carry this forward to the rest of the time I'm not in a yoga class - I'm a rather anxious person but I'm working on it - I'm trying to just go with the flow of the river I'm in, not fight to swim upstream. Smile more. Be positive instead of expecting the worst. Wish on stars and fallen eyelashes and still believe that they'll come true. That sort of thing.

I'll leave you with my poem-medicine dose for the week:

I made a fire, the blue sky having abandoned me,
A fire to be his friend,
A fire to enter the winter night,
A fire to live better.
~Paul Eluard

2010-01-26T12:50:00.003-05:00

"Doubt, fear, and disbelief kill all miracles"

(as read in a book over someone's shoulder this morning on the #6)

Today has been...

2010-01-25T17:48:00.009-05:00

utter shit.

There's simply no other way to put it. I didn't sleep much, I kept having nightmares, to the point that at about 4am, I turned on the light and tried to sleep the rest of the night like a little baby, complete with nightlight and blankie. Just tossed and turned though because then the rains and the winds came and slammed against the metal of my A/C & whistled & groaned through my thin, poorly installed windows so then THAT noise kept me up, despite all earplugs and stuffing of head under pillows. Then I'm late leaving for work because of the lack of sleep and I'm grumpy and feeling BLAH and I get outside and that same wind and rain soaked me to the bone and made me feel like a wet dog all day.

WOOF WOOF. I have nothing to say, this is going to be all complaints if I keep it up. Plus I'm sore, my ribs and my arms hurt because TA DA! Yes, there is one bright spot! I've started up the yoga thing again and this is the second Sunday in a row I've gone and hurrah for me. I'm very proud of myself because I've missed it, I really have. I knew I did, every week for the past year I said "this week I'm going" and it was so easy for me to find an excuse not to go...but I finally stopped being a dork about it and just did it. But the problem is, I leave there all smiley and at peace then then it all unravels just 12 hours later.

Must work on that ... must find a way to keep the yoga calm in my pocket, even if just as a small secret only I know.

Well I did update Bloggie today, didn't I? I wanted something prettier, more elegant. I like it. I do believe it was the only thing I did all day that's worth noting though and THAT I find reprehensible. Surely there's more to a day then scooting through blogger layouts...

Other than that, I've got nothing, NOTHING to report. That's why I've written not a thing for 2010, I was gone, then I was sick and I just feel like now I'm settling into a groove, things are fitting where they ought to be, I'm getting a schedule, a routine, new habits trying to be formed - etc. I'm trying anyway.

I'm hoping tomorrow is better for me. Less wet, less windy, less of me cursing inwardly, less of me yawning and bemoaning having to sit upright. I'm hoping for all good things.

So go on, Universe ... surprise me.

I dare you.

Happy Merry 2010 to You

2010-01-08T15:06:00.005-05:00

First things first:

Why so cold, New York City...why so cold?

BRRRRRR!

But I semi-like it...you know me.

Second things second; lets start off this year's posting with some quotes that have caught me:

Alice laughed: "There's no use trying," she said; "one can't believe impossible things." "I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
~ Alice in Wonderland

Listen to the MUSTN'TS, child,
Listen to the DON'TS,
Listen to the SHOULDN'TS,
The IMPOSSIBLES, the WON'TS,
Listen to the NEVER HAVES
Then listen close to me—
Anything can happen, child
ANYTHING can be.
~ Shel Silverstein

"I go to seek a vast perhaps."
~ Francois Rabelais

Third things last: this is all I have time or energy to do but I didn't want to be neglectful of Dearest Bloggie. I got back in town in the wee hours of Monday, barely slept and it's been all about work and getting proper sleep since then. So it does not amaze me that I woke up this morning feeling dreadful and cold-like since my whole family was ill all vacation, wasn't I bound and determined to catch something of some kind.

Damn IT ALL. Oh well - at least it's Friday, I can sleep and rest and hibernate all I want this weekend which promises to be even colder than it's been this week so maybe it's time for ginger tea, blankies, bundling, and moving as little as possible, all in the hopes of garnering enough strength to face the New Year and all of its "vast perhaps" next week in the proper fashion.

When it snows, ain't it thrillin...

2009-12-21T14:47:00.004-05:00

When your nose gets a chillin'...

My nose was way chillin' - but I had a very Christmasy weekend all by myself, taking a stroll while the snow fell on Saturday and then walking around in Central Park yesterday, trying to take it all in as I prepare to leave NYC tomorrow for a week and a half at home with The Parents, Snow White & Her Dwarves, and Auntie Judy!

Then, off I went to Rockefeller Center to see the tree - not one of my must do's since it's way too crowded and annoying but I was in for a surprise because I ran into my personal hero - HELLO KITTY!!!!!

Oh yeah, and the tree was pretty too!

2009-12-11T18:19:00.000-05:00

"Il faut vivre et non pas seulement exister"

(one must live and not just exist)

Like A Blessing

2009-12-11T17:13:00.004-05:00

Rice

It grew in the black mud.
It grew under the tiger's orange paws.
Its stems thicker than candles, and as straight.
Its leaves like the feathers of egrets,
but green.

The grains cresting, wanting to burst.
Oh, blood of the tiger.

I don't want you to just sit at the table.
I don't want you just to eat, and be content.
I want you to walk into the fields
Where the water is shining, and the rice has risen.
I want you to stand there,
far from the white tablecloth.
I want you to fill your hands with mud,
like a blessing.

~Mary Oliver

2009-12-01T10:35:00.005-05:00

Well, I think I pissed 'em off because boy oh boy did I screw something up yesterday and boy oh boy did I think all hope was lost ... I thought all was rolling along, all's right with the world and then 4pm came with a boom and I realized I forgot to do something and it was LOST FOREVER!!!!!!!!! I almost started to cry I was so upset (FYI, this all Work Stuff, so I am being dramatic because one should never cry about Work Stuff, only Real Life Stuff) and tried and tried again to come up with some sort of solution, called my favorite heroic IT Dude - he had no resolution.

Then, it hit me - the answer! WOO HOO! Called IT Dude, found out it was possible with his assistance, I was rescued and all is back to being smooth again. Whew!

The fairies have forgiven me.

There's a lesson here - I am horrible at doing 5 million things at once, I am awful when I get disorganized and chaotic, both in mind and physical space. So I need to slow the hell down, concentrate and focus and I won't have to go through the major anxiety attack over Work Stuff again...at least until the next crisis I guess.

Now, it's a new day, a new month, my FAVORITE month, lovely chill December, promises of Christmas and snow and I'd like to say people tend to be nicer at this time of year but I got shoved and was given the evil eye too many times this morning on the train so maybe I'll save that sentiment til it proves true. I'm going to try to be nicer I think...that's the goal for today - be joyful, be grateful, be peaceful. And then maybe it will carry on to tomorrow and the next day and to others around me and on and on... see how easy it is?

Right. On to coffee and plunging into Work Stuff then...

Oh How A Veronical Visit 'tis Verily Vigorously Vibrant

2009-11-25T17:19:00.009-05:00

I don't know if any of that makes sense grammatically, but you get the idea! To put it simply, I'm having a good time with My Little Buddy, Gilligan to my Skipper.

First, here's my pretty little tree I put up before she arrived on Saturday:

Sunday: Green-Wood cemetery where we had fun being spooked by wraiths (or old ladies in cloaks with red hair who stand stock-still) & spectres & creepy angel statues

Then onto Ollies for dumplings and chicken and string beans; then up to the Clarks where we were forced to drink vodka cocktails and laugh way too much.

Then Monday I had to work, but met her afterwards at Union Square for a little shopping and then Shepherds Pie at Lillies.

Then I had off of work yesterday so we sat around chatting over coffee all morning instead of getting a move on, so we just went to the Cloisters for the afternoon which had us reliving our past life spent together as monks in the 1400's where once upon a time we must have sung a version of "how do you solve a problem like Abbot Theobald?" I'm sure of it. Or maybe we were cloistered nuns & we looked something like this:

Then there was a stop at the Fete du Noel in Bryant Park where many fun items were purchased and more dumplings were eaten.

Now today, I'm at work, finishing up STUFF & then I'm heading home to start my pastry dough for my two pies (pecan and apple) & she's off to DC for the holiday, I'm off to Auntie Jilly Bean & Cousin Megan's & then we will be back in Fun Mode on Friday when she returns! YAY!!!

Thanksgiving

2009-11-25T17:17:00.003-05:00

We return thanks to our mother, the earth,
which sustains us.
We return thanks to the rivers and streams,
which supply us with water.
We return thanks to all herbs,
which furnish medicines for the cure of our diseases.
We return thanks to the moon and stars,
which have given to us their light when the sun was gone.
We return thanks to the sun,
that has looked upon the earth with a beneficent eye.
Lastly, we return thanks to the Great Spirit,
in Whom is embodied all goodness,
and Who directs all things for the good of Her children.
~ Iroquois ~

A few of my favorite things...

2009-11-19T11:17:00.008-05:00

Some photos, then, to illustrate - first off - my few halloween decorations which I took down last night (finally!)

so that I could start the holiday time (I'm putting it all up a bit early because of the Veronical Visitation) - this made me very happy to do last night:

Also - Mom, here you can see the purple and blue curtains from (where else?) Ikea that I told you about - aren't they pretty?

This is my Green Man mask, my birthday gift from Mommy & Daddy

My purply pinky little light from Ikea

And finally we have - taken just moments ago - my patterned tights which I think I like but I also feel odd, like I have some weird skin disorder - slightly gave me the creeps when I put them on this morning -it's a texture thing I think.

Mom - I already know you are chuckling at my witchy pilgrim shoes! But they are so ME...

2009-11-18T15:54:00.003-05:00

Walking home from the grocery store last night, and I see this older, teeny (shorter than me), quite dapper looking - little vest and tie and a newsboytype cap - man standing next to the bushes near my building, smoking a cigarette. He caught my eye as I passed and he exclaimed "Good evening! How are you?!" and then did a little curtsy move, waving with his cigarette hand. I smiled back and said "GOOD!" and kept walking and I heard him reply...something. Could have been one of 3 things:

1. You are the best!

2. You have breasts!

3. You are blessed!

I really thought he said #3 so that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I don't think he would have just said #1, what does that mean? The best at what? And how does he know? And he didn't have a look of a dirty old man so I don't think it was #2. I got another old guy near the grocery store corner to say that kind of thing to me - one time during the summer he said "your ta-tas are like porcelain teacups". I felt like shoving him to the ground but I just rolled my eyes and kept going. So anyway ...

I am blessed!! The little dapper man said so! YAY for me!!

Does this ever happen to you?

2009-11-13T15:26:00.006-05:00

Do you sometimes feel like you make something happen just by thinking the wrong things?

For instance:

Waiting for the downtown 6 yesterday morning, a lady on the opposite platform waltzed by carrying 2 Starbucks coffees, one stacked on top of the other. Now, she kept on raising her arm as if to look under the bottom one and I was mesmerized because in my head I kept thinking I would never do that because klutzy me, I would totally drop them or fall flat on my face bumping into something. So I couldn't take my eyes off of her and I just repeated over and over, "you are going to drop them you are going to drop them you are going to drop them..."

And what did she do?

She dropped them.

SPLAT! they went on the ground and all over her and I felt guilty, as if I caused it to happen but it was stupid of her but I suppose it was the force of my concentration solely on her for those 60 seconds that made me feel partially responsible.

Still...it's not like I have those laser eyes like General Zod and I made the cups explode but maybe I should have thought "don't drop them stay steady" over and over instead ...

maybe I'm to blame for all those forest fires too...

The Universe DOES care about me...

2009-11-12T12:50:00.006-05:00

It does, it does, it truly does. Otherwise, totally random people - strangers - wouldn't come up and say nice things or do sweet things at exactly the moment I need them to. And it's not just me, it happens for you too, you just need to pay attention when it does happen. Ever notice that? Or maybe it's a song that pops on the radio at EXACTLY the moment that you need to smile or feel lighter - it's typically something subtle like that, not a plane flying by with a banner trailing behind:

"NICOLE RENEE KICK YOURSELF IN THE PANTS AND STOP THE PITY PARTY NOW!!!"

That would be way too obvious - and unlikely and unrealistic - for the Universe. But it can do this: it can have me go outside for an eggnog latte as a treat because I thought the sugar would symbolically sweeten my foul mood somewhat. And you know I don't have a poker face so I suppose my dourness was exposed for anyone to see should they look. Latte was good, I went back to work and that was that.

Then out to lunch, again I felt the need to treat me, so I got sushi and miso soup and I sat out for awhile, sipping my soup even though it was a bit blustery and raw out because I thought the chill fresh air would soothe me. Plus, it helps me think. Then I head back into my building still feeling rather blue and down in the dumps and a random guy gets in the elevator with me, turns to me and says "are you having a better day?" and I guess I looked at him funny because he says "I saw you earlier with your coffee cup and you looked forlorn" and I started laughing and told him, yep I'm just having a bad day I guess and he agreed and said "me too, it's going around - I hate all people today" so that cracked me up and his floor came up and I wished him a better day and he did the same back and that was that BUT:

Random person made me smile

Random person made me feel better

Random person had me thinking even hours later "jeez, that was weird"

So thank you Random Person, sent by the Universe to prove to me that I'm not invisible and that random people with no motive and no reason to give a shit about other random people can be caring and sweet. Somehow in my twisted head and odd way of thinking, it just meant that at the heart of it, the Universe can be benevolent and personal and can reach out and say

HEY I see you, cheer up you little muck-about!

Recurrent Thread

2009-11-11T15:55:00.005-05:00

There’s an old Native American story I read yesterday about an ancient woman who lives in a cave that cannot be reached by road or path with only an old black dog as her only company. She sits at a loom, weaving a huge and beautiful garment. She works tirelessly, never leaving her work except to stir the great kettle of stew simmering in the back of the cave.

At some point, she gets up from the loom to tend to the stew and when she does, the black dog rises and goes over to the loom, taking the ends of the threads in his mouth, and so begins to unravel the garment to its starting point.

The old woman returns and sees what her dog companion has done; she sighs, and then sits down to begin her work all over again.

I just like this tale - it struck me yesterday because its sort of how my year has gone. I feel like I've had many return trips to the loom only to find my tapestry shredded or unwoven to a point where I too, sigh and feel like giving it up and then somehow I find a small reserve of strength from somewhere and then I sit down and start all over again.

That's just life, I guess - perhaps I need to learn a lesson like tie those knots on the threads a little tighter or don't leave them dangling off the loom where the dog can get at them, that sort of thing...I'm getting there, yes, I think so. Totally getting the hang of this "life" thing...totally...

2009-11-11T12:12:00.003-05:00

I've got my sword out today... just a warning ... so pay heed ... (and yes, this is an accurate representation of how I look in my armor - fab hair, no?)

Two COUNT 'EM Two Recipes of the Week

2009-11-09T10:28:00.004-05:00

I'm stressed out to the MAX and pressed for time but I just wanted to add to my list - I baked a supderduper chocolate cake with chocolate glaze and white chocolate drizzle last week and brought it in to work - I must declare it QUITE tasty but - very very chocolate-y. I would only make it again for someone who would love its rich choco-ness. A bit too rich for me, I'm not a huge chocolate person but still it was good and hey, it only took me two tries to get it right. Yes, the first night I had to toss it, I was bleary from lack of sleep and too much work but had committed to bringing it to work the next day so I persevered and stumbled and tried to remove it from the pan before it was time. Therefore, most of it was stuck inside the pan and worse, it tasted all grainy and weird because of some shortcuts I took with softening the butter.

Lesson learned? Leave butter out before going to work in the morning - do not try to melt it gently in a pan.

Second recipe, I'm NOT even posting because I know no one out there will make it when I tell you what' s in it but I must say, your fear of dried plums will cause you to miss out on something quite yummy.

Fennel with grated ginger and balsamic vinegar, sauteed in olive oil until caramelized with chopped up prunes and pine nuts over spinach.

The prunes will stop you all out there but let me assure you - I'm finding more "prune in recipe" recipes PRONTO.

Anyhoo - I'm off to start another SHIT filled week - WAIT. Stop that.

Clear, cancel and DELETE. Let this week be full of only good things come true.

Fingers crossed.

C-A-P-S-I-Z-E all the way home, I'm gonna tilt awhile

2009-10-30T16:15:00.006-04:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

That's me screaming because I'm scared...because it's the day before Halloween ... because there are ghosts and vampires and various other creepy crawlies about ... because the Headless Horseman gallops down my street after midnight ... because because because...

I'M STRESSSSSSSSSSSSED OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I'm still reeling a bit from my Wednesday Pout-Fest - turns out, a good way to cure that was to go home with a bottle of Chianti (and some fava beans OF COURSE) and drink a glass while watching "What the BLEEP Do We Know!?" and decide to fake it until I make it. Meaning just act like all is well and eventually the rest will catch up with the act and all really will be well.

Because it will, I just need to let it out sometimes and let the world know of my trials and tribulations, no matter how small they may appear. It's just my way, I don't have any sort of poker face and when I'm blue or have the mean reds, I show it. Apparently, I look like crap enough that my boss is "forcing" me (his words) to take a few days off after this is all over next week. He's being kind, which I appreciate. But a day or two to regain my center would be nice so I'll take him up on it. Because then, I have about 2 weeks of relative ease before I step right back into THIS again and then before you know it, I'm going home for Christmas Week and only then will I know if I've survived.

Until then, I'm playing my favorite Beach Boys (not a huge Beach Boys fan, but this one...sigh...pure love) song over and over and over, because it's as soothing as a lullaby to me and the harmonies are so pretty, aren't they?:

"Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Everything will turn out alright
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby..."

My other theme song is courtesy of Veronica's birthday gift to me, the soundtrack to Where the Wild Things Are and "Capsize" - this about sums up my insides right now:

"C-A-P-S-I-Z-E all the way home, I'm gonna tilt awhile
M-I-S-S-M-E all you want, you're gonna wait awhile

We can settle by the sea
Troubles gonna bury me
Keep my sorrows in the sand
I see water, I see land!

C-A-P-S-I-Z-E all the way home, I'm gonna tilt awhile
M-I-S-S-M-E all you want, you're gonna wait awhile..."

That said, I'm going to do something restful and luverly for myself tomorrow - maybe go up to the Cloisters? Some place where I can see the leaves changing color, I seem to miss that brief window every year. I wake up one November day and the leaves are just dead or completely gone and I miss being stunned by the red and golden trees everywhere. So something outdoors. Something beautiful. And then back here on Sunday to work on another HUMONGOUS file. And then we wait and see...I'm just resigned to the fact that I'm gonna tilt awhile. So be it.

At Low Ebb

2009-10-28T18:28:00.003-04:00

We interrupt this piece of shit day in the middle of this crap week to bring you an excerpt from a lovely Blur song to set the mood for this meltdown moment I'm having:

THIS IS A LOW
BUT IT WON'T HURT YOU
WHEN YOU ARE ALONE IT WILL BE THERE WITH YOU
FINDING WAYS TO STAY
SOLO

This is truly a low, I've hit a bottom. I'm trying REALLY hard to keep my chin up but I'm losing patience, I'm sapped and in dire need of a boon.

That's all - I'm just alerting the Fates, those Kindly Ones that I've reached my limit. I'm exhausted, I'm feeling ugly and crampy and bloated, I'm grumpy, my eyes are all red, I'm out of my glitter and magic juice. I feel like I feel when I wear the color brown - Veronica knows what I'm talking about. Blah. Blech. Muddy.

Speaking of Veronica, she's my light at the end of my tunnel and she doesn't even know it. I'm sure she thinks I'm the light at the end of hers but its really the other way around. Or maybe we are both standing at opposite ends of the tunnel, looking stupidly at the other? Either way, My Most Favorite Texan is coming to see MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! And so that means that soon my face will crack into smiles again and all will be joyful and merry.

And for that, I am thankful. God bless Merv!

Hi Ho Hi Ho, It's off to home I go...

2009-10-25T18:31:00.005-04:00

Working on a Sunday... note to self...GET A LIFE.

Well I'm doing it to make this next week less painful - so big deal, I came in for 4 hours, did what I had to do and now I feel much better... sort of... because now its dark outside and therefore, Sunday is over and so then that means the weekend is over and that tomorrow I need to wake up and come right back here.

Why didn't I just bring a sleeping bag? HRUMPH!

Hey Snow White - bring some of those Juanita's Tortilla Chips when you come for Xmas!!! Those chips were the bestest...

Until tomorrow then...signing off...

Theme of the Week: "Gumption, Ms. McGill"

2009-10-22T15:58:00.006-04:00

HELLISH WEEK HELLISH WEEK HELLISH WEEK ... the world has been almost overwhelming to me this week.

Simply exhausted...I don't even want to get into it.

I stayed til 9pm last night testing stuff, fine tuning our setup, etc. My mind is like a swamp, my eyes are red and itchy from overuse (note self, sign up for vision care next year - must have eyes checked) and then I get home, I'm so exhausted, I don't even feel like reading or doing much besides zoning out watching Working Girl because everything just swims in front of me.

But mostly the overwhelming part of this week has been that I've had to play a role I'm not used to playing. I've had to be the aggressive take-charge person and I'm so not that person typically and I can't say it felt entirely bad - it's just not the norm for me so it wasn't comfortable. But I'm just trying to get things done, to keep everyone focused to meet our deadlines and I constantly felt like a mother with 6 crazy bratty children - but mostly I did it to help myself because the bulk of this project is on MY shoulders and I can't do my piece without the others getting their tasks completed first.

SO. I had to kick people in the ass a bit and at first I felt a little guilty, as if I should apologize to some of them for coming off too strong, bitchy, grouchy, whatever and then this morning as I was wearily getting ready for work, I realized - why do girls get taught this? That if they are tough or lay down the law, they will not be liked or should have to diminish their voice, soften it in order to not be viewed as a bitch or something else derogatory? NO. It called for someone to step up and dot the I's and cross the T's and hold people accountable for not doing what they said they would do and just put her foot down and say "no excuses - JUST DO IT. Period."

Sigh sigh oh big sigh... but I'm sticking with all the wisdom I culled from last night's viewing of Working Girl which I'm wrapping up as the theme of the week:

Gumption, Ms. McGill.

GUMPTION.

Two New Recipes

2009-10-19T17:39:00.005-04:00

I know, I should vary my sources a bit, but you know, I look at Mark Bittman's blog every week and every week, he has a recipe I want to try so SUE ME. Needless to say then, the two things I tried this weekend were from - ta da! - The Minimalist!:

Crisp Nori Snacks - these rocked! I could have devoured a whole package of 8 sheets of nori, but I refrained and just did 2. This was barely a recipe, just toasting the sheets and I've heard from Mollie Katzen that you can do the same with kale.
Something tells me I'll be trying that next.

The true delight was his Roasted Sweet Potato Salad with Black Beans and Chili Dressing. Truth be told, I could take out the black beans and I'd be fine but it does add that sort of southwestern thing I think he was going for but oh, roasted sweet potatoes and onions, oooh it just curls my toes right up.

This Moment of Wisdom, brought to you by:

2009-10-19T11:53:00.007-04:00

My lovely sister, Snow White:

"If you stare at the wall, you will go into the wall...

SO STOP STARING AT THE WALL!!"

Indeed.

This is just to say...

2009-10-16T18:36:00.003-04:00

this week has been HARD. Oh. My. God. And I don't mean a statue in Central Park. I mean the real guy - yes, I hold him responsible.

I'm exhausted but in a good way - things haven't been so crazy that I've lost myself in it all - I've been sooooooo good about taking care of me because I don't want a repeat of previous years and stressful times past where I get run down and can't sleep, look like shit, and then I collapse in a flu-like puddle of mud. Nope, this time, I vow to do it correctly. So, eating well, trying to get outside and walk around in the nicely chilly weather for some fresh air for my wan cheeks, and - ta da! - I'm starting yoga again tomorrow. I've gotten so squishy, I need to halt this process, lest it overtake me and I began to atrophy all over.

And I say exhausted in a good way because its all slightly thrilling, isn't it? The adrenaline rush I suppose, we have all these deadlines and queries must be run and SQL's must be created and things must be updated and tested and checked and we are running out of time and solutions must be devised and so on and so on, but I actually like this, except for the part where I get anxious at all there is to do and then I have minor freak outs on the inside and my head starts to hurt like it does now. But I like the problem solving aspect of all that I do and this week, I've been kicked into high gear so I get to show off a bit, don't I?

So I'm done for the night. For the week. Whew. Just breathe. A respite until Monday then, I'm signing off from wintry cold NYC - I had to pull out the winter coat and gloves today - but you know I love this, I'm totally digging the January preview.

Excerpt from The Sunflowers by Mary Oliver

2009-10-14T17:34:00.004-04:00

A small reminder to myself to keep my face toward the sun - I don't always make the best sunflower:

"Come with me
to visit the sunflowers,
they are shy

but want to be friends;
they have wonderful stories
of when they were young -
the important weather,

the wandering crows.
Don't be afraid
to ask them questions!
Their bright faces,

which follow the sun,
will listen, and all
those rows of seeds -
each one a new life!

hope for a deeper acquaintance;
each of them, though it stands
in a crowd of many,
like a separate universe,

is lonely, the long work
of turning their lives
into a celebration
is not easy..."

It's here it's here!!

2009-10-14T13:30:00.002-04:00

The chill!!! YES!!! Woo hoo!!!

I am SO much more an Autumn/Winter girl ... today marks the first day I was able to wear a scarf (with a light coat, but still) and all at once I feel much more at home...yes, once again, I get to bundle cutely(my mom and dad like that phrase I invented so I'll continue to use it). Oh I love that. I love sweaters and gloves and jackets and walking around with just enough chill so that you don't get sweaty from overexertion but your cheeks get rosy. Love love love it. It means so much, it means the leaves are changing color and falling from the trees, it means pumpkins and pomegranates, it means Christmas is coming, it means possible snow, it means, it means...

Oh its all too much to go into here but it means a lot to me.

SEEN!!!

2009-10-13T18:03:00.006-04:00

Yes, I've had a celebrity sighting! And on the subway at that!!

This morning, on my way to work on the E train, when it stopped at 23rd/Ely, Czar Nicholas II got on...YES IT'S TRUE!!! Rumors of his untimely demise in the 1917 Russian Revolution aside, I guess he lives in Long Island City now. He looks just like this photo - he had on the naval cap, the same beard and a sort of dark blazer and seemed to be trying to appear like one of the Hipster Doofuses that live in Long Island City, Greenpoint, Williamsburg - I guess he's gone incognito, trying to "fit in".

Either that, or it was The Captain from The Captain and Tennille sans Tennille ... hmmm, now I'm not sure...

2009-10-12T11:58:00.008-04:00

Peaceful, lovely moment (um, hour and a half really) sitting in Central Park reading this weekend - I like Literary Walk because of the multiple trees overhead and the large bronze statues look impressive watching over all of us - I have a thing with statues, I always picture them getting up off of their pedestals and coming to life - and also because for some reason, it's mostly people strolling through but not stopping to sit, so the benches are generally clear so therefore it's quiet. But I stopped this time mostly because there was a young man playing the cello there which I love - violin and cello can do no wrong to my ears - and so it's me and the pretty music and a chill in the autumn air and things feel good, don't they? I read for a while but the peoplewatching is also good there.

In the midst of all this calm reverie, a little boy comes running and yelling up to this statue that I was sitting right across from, cracking me up to no end:

"WHO IS THAT, DADDY, IS THAT GOD, IS IT, IS THAT GOD, WHO IS IT, IS THAT GOD, IS IT???!!!!"

Ha!!!!!!! But let him believe it is God, I say, then he has a nice place in the park to come and pray or sit and meditate or whatever he wants or needs. It's some poet actually I've never heard of, Fitz-Greene Halleck. He seems to have a kind but stern, intelligent face, seems respectable and upright and those are all qualities a God should have right?

So now, when I walk past him, I shall always give him a little wave, a tip of my hat and say "hi there, God..nice to see you again, looking well as usual...how's the missus?"

Proven Fact - there really is no use in crying over spilled milk!

2009-10-09T11:43:00.002-04:00

I can attest to this - I cried over spilled milk on Wednesday. Chocolate soy milk, that is. I had gone to the market after work and decided to try chocolate soy milk as a treat and I thought it might taste good warmed up like hot cocoa. Fine.

So I get home, stick it in the fridge and I few hours later, I decided to taste it - turns out to be DEE-LISH-OUS. Yum. Stick it back in and shut the door. Minutes later, I pass by the kitchen again, getting ready for bed, I'm just exhausted from my hellish week, I can barely keep my eyes open but the chocolate soy milk is calling me and I decide to take a swig straight from the carton before brushing my teeth and calling it a night. I pick up the carton and start to shake it - since its soy milk, its gets kind of separated and chalky - and OF COURSE I didn't cap it tightly before.

Of course I didn't.

Rivulets, thick ribbons of chocolate soy milk stream out and all over my kitchen - the cabinets, the fridge, under the appliances, all over me, I standing in a puddle of it on the floor.

It's everywhere.

Did I already mention that I have no energy, that I feel half dead asleep,my back hurts, my neck hurts, my jaw aches from stress clenching? Now I have this mess to clean up and I just can't do it, I can't, I don't want to, I just want to go to bed. But I can't leave it there, or else I'll have roaches and bugs galore and then once it dries it will be all sticky and goddammit, why did I not check to make sure it was closed before I shook it, why am I so stupid, why don't I think before I act, oh why oh why oh why...

That's when all the frustration bubbled up and boiled over and I started to cry and what I really wanted to do was punch the wall and scream FUCK!!!!!!! at the top of my lungs and then snap my fingers or wiggle my nose a la Samantha and have the mess begone. Why have I never developed those powers?

And then I started laughing at myself because I was LITERALLY crying over spilled milk. It was so dumb, big deal, you doof, just wipe it up, jeez you big baby. I just thought it was hilarious. And then I got out a sponge, paper towels, and got to work.

Now that was fun - so let us see what other cliched sayings I can reenact in my daily life over the next week. Perhaps I CAN kill two birds with one stone? Get up at 5 AM to find an early bird actually eating the worm? Take up sewing so that I can discover that a stitch in time saves nine (I don't even know what that one means, does it really have anything to do with sewing)?

Ah, the joy of being me - you see how rapidly my emotions switched on me, coupled with my amazing ability to make mountains out of molehills, you'll begin to understand why I get tired so easily.

Happy Birthday To MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

2009-10-08T16:28:00.008-04:00

That's right, it is the day of my birth. At 7:56 A.M. many moons ago, I was born, kicking and screaming and crying into this world. A trend that has continued right to this day.

It's been a pleasant day - it's been a very pleasant - busy, tiring, stressful, exciting - week. In short, things are good and I have much to be thankful for, don't I?

DON'T I?

I forget sometimes you know, I can get lost in a pity party easily or whatever but then I come in to work and there's a voicemail from Veronica on my work phone (3 in the past 3 days, I love it, I love summoning Kodachrome!) or something or someone made me smile on the train and then all is right with the day and I smile. Or an email from a Mother or a Father that makes me giggle.

Or today even, I got an award here at work - how nice is that? A little embarrassing because I don't really like the attention, but still it's a cool gesture - and they purposely waited to give it me on my birthday so it made the day just that much more sweet.

OOH and The Boss bought me lunch and a sweet treat, complete with a candle to make a wish upon and a warbling round of "Happy Birthday".

So that's all - I'm just grateful for all who have made me smile and feel warm and fuzzy today. And every other day. Merci beaucoup!!

Sweet Potato Saute

2009-10-07T18:23:00.001-04:00

So I originally bought the sweet potatoes - or YAMS! - to be used in a "recipe of the week" but then I didn't really feel like going through with the whole to do of a longer recipe but was still hungry so I made up my own thing. As I'm prone to doing.

So - this turned out to be YUM-MEE, particularly if you enjoy the sweet potato version of the glorious French Fry. But I suppose this is better for you. I'm sure of it.

So you slice up the yam into thin slices - you want them to cook well and quickly, not burn so you need them similar size. Coat a frying pan with olive oil and when it's hot, add the slices, sprinkling with just a little salt to draw the water out. I then added herbes de Provence and a LIGHT shake of chili powder to make it a little smoky.

Keep them on medium heat, stirring only when you think there might be burning going on, but you want to leave them alone so that they get that nice caramelizing thing going on. When they get a sort of translucent look to them, you can flip them so they get sweetly crispy on the other side. When they are done enough for you - I like them pretty well done - shake a little more salt on top if needed and enjoy.

Not exactly a recipe, but I did enjoy the addition of the dried herbs and the chili powder so I just thought I'd mention it.

CrapSaidByMyDad

2009-10-07T10:33:00.005-04:00

Inspired by Justin and "shitmydadsays" (http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays) - because I think his dad looks like my dad and says things that my dad might say - although with less cursing (sometimes)!:

"I'm like a fat dog lying on a porch licking his nuts" (received via text messaage regarding the Twins AND the Vikings on a roll)