"Doubt, fear, and disbelief kill all miracles"

(as read in a book over someone's shoulder this morning on the #6)

Today has been...

utter shit.

There's simply no other way to put it. I didn't sleep much, I kept having nightmares, to the point that at about 4am, I turned on the light and tried to sleep the rest of the night like a little baby, complete with nightlight and blankie. Just tossed and turned though because then the rains and the winds came and slammed against the metal of my A/C & whistled & groaned through my thin, poorly installed windows so then THAT noise kept me up, despite all earplugs and stuffing of head under pillows. Then I'm late leaving for work because of the lack of sleep and I'm grumpy and feeling BLAH and I get outside and that same wind and rain soaked me to the bone and made me feel like a wet dog all day.

WOOF WOOF. I have nothing to say, this is going to be all complaints if I keep it up. Plus I'm sore, my ribs and my arms hurt because TA DA! Yes, there is one bright spot! I've started up the yoga thing again and this is the second Sunday in a row I've gone and hurrah for me. I'm very proud of myself because I've missed it, I really have. I knew I did, every week for the past year I said "this week I'm going" and it was so easy for me to find an excuse not to go...but I finally stopped being a dork about it and just did it. But the problem is, I leave there all smiley and at peace then then it all unravels just 12 hours later.

Must work on that ... must find a way to keep the yoga calm in my pocket, even if just as a small secret only I know.

Well I did update Bloggie today, didn't I? I wanted something prettier, more elegant. I like it. I do believe it was the only thing I did all day that's worth noting though and THAT I find reprehensible. Surely there's more to a day then scooting through blogger layouts...

Other than that, I've got nothing, NOTHING to report. That's why I've written not a thing for 2010, I was gone, then I was sick and I just feel like now I'm settling into a groove, things are fitting where they ought to be, I'm getting a schedule, a routine, new habits trying to be formed - etc. I'm trying anyway.

I'm hoping tomorrow is better for me. Less wet, less windy, less of me cursing inwardly, less of me yawning and bemoaning having to sit upright. I'm hoping for all good things.

So go on, Universe ... surprise me.

I dare you.

Happy Merry 2010 to You

First things first:

Why so cold, New York City...why so cold?

BRRRRRR!

But I semi-like it...you know me.

Second things second; lets start off this year's posting with some quotes that have caught me:

Alice laughed: "There's no use trying," she said; "one can't believe impossible things." "I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."
~ Alice in Wonderland

Listen to the MUSTN'TS, child,
Listen to the DON'TS,
Listen to the SHOULDN'TS,
The IMPOSSIBLES, the WON'TS,
Listen to the NEVER HAVES
Then listen close to me—
Anything can happen, child
ANYTHING can be.
~ Shel Silverstein

"I go to seek a vast perhaps."
~ Francois Rabelais

Third things last: this is all I have time or energy to do but I didn't want to be neglectful of Dearest Bloggie. I got back in town in the wee hours of Monday, barely slept and it's been all about work and getting proper sleep since then. So it does not amaze me that I woke up this morning feeling dreadful and cold-like since my whole family was ill all vacation, wasn't I bound and determined to catch something of some kind.

Damn IT ALL. Oh well - at least it's Friday, I can sleep and rest and hibernate all I want this weekend which promises to be even colder than it's been this week so maybe it's time for ginger tea, blankies, bundling, and moving as little as possible, all in the hopes of garnering enough strength to face the New Year and all of its "vast perhaps" next week in the proper fashion.

When it snows, ain't it thrillin...

When your nose gets a chillin'...

My nose was way chillin' - but I had a very Christmasy weekend all by myself, taking a stroll while the snow fell on Saturday and then walking around in Central Park yesterday, trying to take it all in as I prepare to leave NYC tomorrow for a week and a half at home with The Parents, Snow White & Her Dwarves, and Auntie Judy!

Then, off I went to Rockefeller Center to see the tree - not one of my must do's since it's way too crowded and annoying but I was in for a surprise because I ran into my personal hero - HELLO KITTY!!!!!

Oh yeah, and the tree was pretty too!

"Il faut vivre et non pas seulement exister"

(one must live and not just exist)

Like A Blessing

Rice

It grew in the black mud.
It grew under the tiger's orange paws.
Its stems thicker than candles, and as straight.
Its leaves like the feathers of egrets,
but green.

The grains cresting, wanting to burst.
Oh, blood of the tiger.

I don't want you to just sit at the table.
I don't want you just to eat, and be content.
I want you to walk into the fields
Where the water is shining, and the rice has risen.
I want you to stand there,
far from the white tablecloth.
I want you to fill your hands with mud,
like a blessing.

~Mary Oliver

Well, I think I pissed 'em off because boy oh boy did I screw something up yesterday and boy oh boy did I think all hope was lost ... I thought all was rolling along, all's right with the world and then 4pm came with a boom and I realized I forgot to do something and it was LOST FOREVER!!!!!!!!! I almost started to cry I was so upset (FYI, this all Work Stuff, so I am being dramatic because one should never cry about Work Stuff, only Real Life Stuff) and tried and tried again to come up with some sort of solution, called my favorite heroic IT Dude - he had no resolution.

Then, it hit me - the answer! WOO HOO! Called IT Dude, found out it was possible with his assistance, I was rescued and all is back to being smooth again. Whew!

The fairies have forgiven me.

There's a lesson here - I am horrible at doing 5 million things at once, I am awful when I get disorganized and chaotic, both in mind and physical space. So I need to slow the hell down, concentrate and focus and I won't have to go through the major anxiety attack over Work Stuff again...at least until the next crisis I guess.

Now, it's a new day, a new month, my FAVORITE month, lovely chill December, promises of Christmas and snow and I'd like to say people tend to be nicer at this time of year but I got shoved and was given the evil eye too many times this morning on the train so maybe I'll save that sentiment til it proves true. I'm going to try to be nicer I think...that's the goal for today - be joyful, be grateful, be peaceful. And then maybe it will carry on to tomorrow and the next day and to others around me and on and on... see how easy it is?

Right. On to coffee and plunging into Work Stuff then...

Oh How A Veronical Visit 'tis Verily Vigorously Vibrant

I don't know if any of that makes sense grammatically, but you get the idea! To put it simply, I'm having a good time with My Little Buddy, Gilligan to my Skipper.

First, here's my pretty little tree I put up before she arrived on Saturday:






Sunday: Green-Wood cemetery where we had fun being spooked by wraiths (or old ladies in cloaks with red hair who stand stock-still) & spectres & creepy angel statues







Then onto Ollies for dumplings and chicken and string beans; then up to the Clarks where we were forced to drink vodka cocktails and laugh way too much.

Then Monday I had to work, but met her afterwards at Union Square for a little shopping and then Shepherds Pie at Lillies.

Then I had off of work yesterday so we sat around chatting over coffee all morning instead of getting a move on, so we just went to the Cloisters for the afternoon which had us reliving our past life spent together as monks in the 1400's where once upon a time we must have sung a version of "how do you solve a problem like Abbot Theobald?" I'm sure of it. Or maybe we were cloistered nuns & we looked something like this:

Then there was a stop at the Fete du Noel in Bryant Park where many fun items were purchased and more dumplings were eaten.

Now today, I'm at work, finishing up STUFF & then I'm heading home to start my pastry dough for my two pies (pecan and apple) & she's off to DC for the holiday, I'm off to Auntie Jilly Bean & Cousin Megan's & then we will be back in Fun Mode on Friday when she returns! YAY!!!

Thanksgiving

We return thanks to our mother, the earth,
which sustains us.
We return thanks to the rivers and streams,
which supply us with water.
We return thanks to all herbs,
which furnish medicines for the cure of our diseases.
We return thanks to the moon and stars,
which have given to us their light when the sun was gone.
We return thanks to the sun,
that has looked upon the earth with a beneficent eye.
Lastly, we return thanks to the Great Spirit,
in Whom is embodied all goodness,
and Who directs all things for the good of Her children.
~ Iroquois ~

A few of my favorite things...

Some photos, then, to illustrate - first off - my few halloween decorations which I took down last night (finally!)

so that I could start the holiday time (I'm putting it all up a bit early because of the Veronical Visitation) - this made me very happy to do last night:

Also - Mom, here you can see the purple and blue curtains from (where else?) Ikea that I told you about - aren't they pretty?

This is my Green Man mask, my birthday gift from Mommy & Daddy



My purply pinky little light from Ikea

And finally we have - taken just moments ago - my patterned tights which I think I like but I also feel odd, like I have some weird skin disorder - slightly gave me the creeps when I put them on this morning -it's a texture thing I think.

Mom - I already know you are chuckling at my witchy pilgrim shoes! But they are so ME...