When it snows, ain't it thrillin...

When your nose gets a chillin'...

My nose was way chillin' - but I had a very Christmasy weekend all by myself, taking a stroll while the snow fell on Saturday and then walking around in Central Park yesterday, trying to take it all in as I prepare to leave NYC tomorrow for a week and a half at home with The Parents, Snow White & Her Dwarves, and Auntie Judy!

Then, off I went to Rockefeller Center to see the tree - not one of my must do's since it's way too crowded and annoying but I was in for a surprise because I ran into my personal hero - HELLO KITTY!!!!!

Oh yeah, and the tree was pretty too!

"Il faut vivre et non pas seulement exister"

(one must live and not just exist)

Like A Blessing

Rice

It grew in the black mud.
It grew under the tiger's orange paws.
Its stems thicker than candles, and as straight.
Its leaves like the feathers of egrets,
but green.

The grains cresting, wanting to burst.
Oh, blood of the tiger.

I don't want you to just sit at the table.
I don't want you just to eat, and be content.
I want you to walk into the fields
Where the water is shining, and the rice has risen.
I want you to stand there,
far from the white tablecloth.
I want you to fill your hands with mud,
like a blessing.

~Mary Oliver

Well, I think I pissed 'em off because boy oh boy did I screw something up yesterday and boy oh boy did I think all hope was lost ... I thought all was rolling along, all's right with the world and then 4pm came with a boom and I realized I forgot to do something and it was LOST FOREVER!!!!!!!!! I almost started to cry I was so upset (FYI, this all Work Stuff, so I am being dramatic because one should never cry about Work Stuff, only Real Life Stuff) and tried and tried again to come up with some sort of solution, called my favorite heroic IT Dude - he had no resolution.

Then, it hit me - the answer! WOO HOO! Called IT Dude, found out it was possible with his assistance, I was rescued and all is back to being smooth again. Whew!

The fairies have forgiven me.

There's a lesson here - I am horrible at doing 5 million things at once, I am awful when I get disorganized and chaotic, both in mind and physical space. So I need to slow the hell down, concentrate and focus and I won't have to go through the major anxiety attack over Work Stuff again...at least until the next crisis I guess.

Now, it's a new day, a new month, my FAVORITE month, lovely chill December, promises of Christmas and snow and I'd like to say people tend to be nicer at this time of year but I got shoved and was given the evil eye too many times this morning on the train so maybe I'll save that sentiment til it proves true. I'm going to try to be nicer I think...that's the goal for today - be joyful, be grateful, be peaceful. And then maybe it will carry on to tomorrow and the next day and to others around me and on and on... see how easy it is?

Right. On to coffee and plunging into Work Stuff then...

Oh How A Veronical Visit 'tis Verily Vigorously Vibrant

I don't know if any of that makes sense grammatically, but you get the idea! To put it simply, I'm having a good time with My Little Buddy, Gilligan to my Skipper.

First, here's my pretty little tree I put up before she arrived on Saturday:






Sunday: Green-Wood cemetery where we had fun being spooked by wraiths (or old ladies in cloaks with red hair who stand stock-still) & spectres & creepy angel statues







Then onto Ollies for dumplings and chicken and string beans; then up to the Clarks where we were forced to drink vodka cocktails and laugh way too much.

Then Monday I had to work, but met her afterwards at Union Square for a little shopping and then Shepherds Pie at Lillies.

Then I had off of work yesterday so we sat around chatting over coffee all morning instead of getting a move on, so we just went to the Cloisters for the afternoon which had us reliving our past life spent together as monks in the 1400's where once upon a time we must have sung a version of "how do you solve a problem like Abbot Theobald?" I'm sure of it. Or maybe we were cloistered nuns & we looked something like this:

Then there was a stop at the Fete du Noel in Bryant Park where many fun items were purchased and more dumplings were eaten.

Now today, I'm at work, finishing up STUFF & then I'm heading home to start my pastry dough for my two pies (pecan and apple) & she's off to DC for the holiday, I'm off to Auntie Jilly Bean & Cousin Megan's & then we will be back in Fun Mode on Friday when she returns! YAY!!!

Thanksgiving

We return thanks to our mother, the earth,
which sustains us.
We return thanks to the rivers and streams,
which supply us with water.
We return thanks to all herbs,
which furnish medicines for the cure of our diseases.
We return thanks to the moon and stars,
which have given to us their light when the sun was gone.
We return thanks to the sun,
that has looked upon the earth with a beneficent eye.
Lastly, we return thanks to the Great Spirit,
in Whom is embodied all goodness,
and Who directs all things for the good of Her children.
~ Iroquois ~

A few of my favorite things...

Some photos, then, to illustrate - first off - my few halloween decorations which I took down last night (finally!)

so that I could start the holiday time (I'm putting it all up a bit early because of the Veronical Visitation) - this made me very happy to do last night:

Also - Mom, here you can see the purple and blue curtains from (where else?) Ikea that I told you about - aren't they pretty?

This is my Green Man mask, my birthday gift from Mommy & Daddy



My purply pinky little light from Ikea

And finally we have - taken just moments ago - my patterned tights which I think I like but I also feel odd, like I have some weird skin disorder - slightly gave me the creeps when I put them on this morning -it's a texture thing I think.

Mom - I already know you are chuckling at my witchy pilgrim shoes! But they are so ME...

Walking home from the grocery store last night, and I see this older, teeny (shorter than me), quite dapper looking - little vest and tie and a newsboytype cap - man standing next to the bushes near my building, smoking a cigarette. He caught my eye as I passed and he exclaimed "Good evening! How are you?!" and then did a little curtsy move, waving with his cigarette hand. I smiled back and said "GOOD!" and kept walking and I heard him reply...something. Could have been one of 3 things:

1. You are the best!

2. You have breasts!

3. You are blessed!

I really thought he said #3 so that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

I don't think he would have just said #1, what does that mean? The best at what? And how does he know? And he didn't have a look of a dirty old man so I don't think it was #2. I got another old guy near the grocery store corner to say that kind of thing to me - one time during the summer he said "your ta-tas are like porcelain teacups". I felt like shoving him to the ground but I just rolled my eyes and kept going. So anyway ...

I am blessed!! The little dapper man said so! YAY for me!!

Does this ever happen to you?

Do you sometimes feel like you make something happen just by thinking the wrong things?

For instance:

Waiting for the downtown 6 yesterday morning, a lady on the opposite platform waltzed by carrying 2 Starbucks coffees, one stacked on top of the other. Now, she kept on raising her arm as if to look under the bottom one and I was mesmerized because in my head I kept thinking I would never do that because klutzy me, I would totally drop them or fall flat on my face bumping into something. So I couldn't take my eyes off of her and I just repeated over and over, "you are going to drop them you are going to drop them you are going to drop them..."

And what did she do?

She dropped them.

SPLAT! they went on the ground and all over her and I felt guilty, as if I caused it to happen but it was stupid of her but I suppose it was the force of my concentration solely on her for those 60 seconds that made me feel partially responsible.

Still...it's not like I have those laser eyes like General Zod and I made the cups explode but maybe I should have thought "don't drop them stay steady" over and over instead ...

maybe I'm to blame for all those forest fires too...

The Universe DOES care about me...

It does, it does, it truly does. Otherwise, totally random people - strangers - wouldn't come up and say nice things or do sweet things at exactly the moment I need them to. And it's not just me, it happens for you too, you just need to pay attention when it does happen. Ever notice that? Or maybe it's a song that pops on the radio at EXACTLY the moment that you need to smile or feel lighter - it's typically something subtle like that, not a plane flying by with a banner trailing behind:

"NICOLE RENEE KICK YOURSELF IN THE PANTS AND STOP THE PITY PARTY NOW!!!"

That would be way too obvious - and unlikely and unrealistic - for the Universe. But it can do this: it can have me go outside for an eggnog latte as a treat because I thought the sugar would symbolically sweeten my foul mood somewhat. And you know I don't have a poker face so I suppose my dourness was exposed for anyone to see should they look. Latte was good, I went back to work and that was that.

Then out to lunch, again I felt the need to treat me, so I got sushi and miso soup and I sat out for awhile, sipping my soup even though it was a bit blustery and raw out because I thought the chill fresh air would soothe me. Plus, it helps me think. Then I head back into my building still feeling rather blue and down in the dumps and a random guy gets in the elevator with me, turns to me and says "are you having a better day?" and I guess I looked at him funny because he says "I saw you earlier with your coffee cup and you looked forlorn" and I started laughing and told him, yep I'm just having a bad day I guess and he agreed and said "me too, it's going around - I hate all people today" so that cracked me up and his floor came up and I wished him a better day and he did the same back and that was that BUT:

Random person made me smile

Random person made me feel better

Random person had me thinking even hours later "jeez, that was weird"

So thank you Random Person, sent by the Universe to prove to me that I'm not invisible and that random people with no motive and no reason to give a shit about other random people can be caring and sweet. Somehow in my twisted head and odd way of thinking, it just meant that at the heart of it, the Universe can be benevolent and personal and can reach out and say

HEY I see you, cheer up you little muck-about!

Recurrent Thread

There’s an old Native American story I read yesterday about an ancient woman who lives in a cave that cannot be reached by road or path with only an old black dog as her only company. She sits at a loom, weaving a huge and beautiful garment. She works tirelessly, never leaving her work except to stir the great kettle of stew simmering in the back of the cave.

At some point, she gets up from the loom to tend to the stew and when she does, the black dog rises and goes over to the loom, taking the ends of the threads in his mouth, and so begins to unravel the garment to its starting point.

The old woman returns and sees what her dog companion has done; she sighs, and then sits down to begin her work all over again.

I just like this tale - it struck me yesterday because its sort of how my year has gone. I feel like I've had many return trips to the loom only to find my tapestry shredded or unwoven to a point where I too, sigh and feel like giving it up and then somehow I find a small reserve of strength from somewhere and then I sit down and start all over again.

That's just life, I guess - perhaps I need to learn a lesson like tie those knots on the threads a little tighter or don't leave them dangling off the loom where the dog can get at them, that sort of thing...I'm getting there, yes, I think so. Totally getting the hang of this "life" thing...totally...

I've got my sword out today... just a warning ... so pay heed ... (and yes, this is an accurate representation of how I look in my armor - fab hair, no?)

Two COUNT 'EM Two Recipes of the Week

I'm stressed out to the MAX and pressed for time but I just wanted to add to my list - I baked a supderduper chocolate cake with chocolate glaze and white chocolate drizzle last week and brought it in to work - I must declare it QUITE tasty but - very very chocolate-y. I would only make it again for someone who would love its rich choco-ness. A bit too rich for me, I'm not a huge chocolate person but still it was good and hey, it only took me two tries to get it right. Yes, the first night I had to toss it, I was bleary from lack of sleep and too much work but had committed to bringing it to work the next day so I persevered and stumbled and tried to remove it from the pan before it was time. Therefore, most of it was stuck inside the pan and worse, it tasted all grainy and weird because of some shortcuts I took with softening the butter.

Lesson learned? Leave butter out before going to work in the morning - do not try to melt it gently in a pan.

Second recipe, I'm NOT even posting because I know no one out there will make it when I tell you what' s in it but I must say, your fear of dried plums will cause you to miss out on something quite yummy.

Fennel with grated ginger and balsamic vinegar, sauteed in olive oil until caramelized with chopped up prunes and pine nuts over spinach.

The prunes will stop you all out there but let me assure you - I'm finding more "prune in recipe" recipes PRONTO.

Anyhoo - I'm off to start another SHIT filled week - WAIT. Stop that.

Clear, cancel and DELETE. Let this week be full of only good things come true.

Fingers crossed.

C-A-P-S-I-Z-E all the way home, I'm gonna tilt awhile

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

That's me screaming because I'm scared...because it's the day before Halloween ... because there are ghosts and vampires and various other creepy crawlies about ... because the Headless Horseman gallops down my street after midnight ... because because because...

I'M STRESSSSSSSSSSSSED OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I'm still reeling a bit from my Wednesday Pout-Fest - turns out, a good way to cure that was to go home with a bottle of Chianti (and some fava beans OF COURSE) and drink a glass while watching "What the BLEEP Do We Know!?" and decide to fake it until I make it. Meaning just act like all is well and eventually the rest will catch up with the act and all really will be well.

Because it will, I just need to let it out sometimes and let the world know of my trials and tribulations, no matter how small they may appear. It's just my way, I don't have any sort of poker face and when I'm blue or have the mean reds, I show it. Apparently, I look like crap enough that my boss is "forcing" me (his words) to take a few days off after this is all over next week. He's being kind, which I appreciate. But a day or two to regain my center would be nice so I'll take him up on it. Because then, I have about 2 weeks of relative ease before I step right back into THIS again and then before you know it, I'm going home for Christmas Week and only then will I know if I've survived.

Until then, I'm playing my favorite Beach Boys (not a huge Beach Boys fan, but this one...sigh...pure love) song over and over and over, because it's as soothing as a lullaby to me and the harmonies are so pretty, aren't they?:

"Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Everything will turn out alright
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby
Don't worry baby..."

My other theme song is courtesy of Veronica's birthday gift to me, the soundtrack to Where the Wild Things Are and "Capsize" - this about sums up my insides right now:

"C-A-P-S-I-Z-E all the way home, I'm gonna tilt awhile
M-I-S-S-M-E all you want, you're gonna wait awhile

We can settle by the sea
Troubles gonna bury me
Keep my sorrows in the sand
I see water, I see land!

C-A-P-S-I-Z-E all the way home, I'm gonna tilt awhile
M-I-S-S-M-E all you want, you're gonna wait awhile..."

That said, I'm going to do something restful and luverly for myself tomorrow - maybe go up to the Cloisters? Some place where I can see the leaves changing color, I seem to miss that brief window every year. I wake up one November day and the leaves are just dead or completely gone and I miss being stunned by the red and golden trees everywhere. So something outdoors. Something beautiful. And then back here on Sunday to work on another HUMONGOUS file. And then we wait and see...I'm just resigned to the fact that I'm gonna tilt awhile. So be it.

At Low Ebb

We interrupt this piece of shit day in the middle of this crap week to bring you an excerpt from a lovely Blur song to set the mood for this meltdown moment I'm having:

THIS IS A LOW
BUT IT WON'T HURT YOU
WHEN YOU ARE ALONE IT WILL BE THERE WITH YOU
FINDING WAYS TO STAY
SOLO

This is truly a low, I've hit a bottom. I'm trying REALLY hard to keep my chin up but I'm losing patience, I'm sapped and in dire need of a boon.

That's all - I'm just alerting the Fates, those Kindly Ones that I've reached my limit. I'm exhausted, I'm feeling ugly and crampy and bloated, I'm grumpy, my eyes are all red, I'm out of my glitter and magic juice. I feel like I feel when I wear the color brown - Veronica knows what I'm talking about. Blah. Blech. Muddy.

Speaking of Veronica, she's my light at the end of my tunnel and she doesn't even know it. I'm sure she thinks I'm the light at the end of hers but its really the other way around. Or maybe we are both standing at opposite ends of the tunnel, looking stupidly at the other? Either way, My Most Favorite Texan is coming to see MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! And so that means that soon my face will crack into smiles again and all will be joyful and merry.

And for that, I am thankful. God bless Merv!

Hi Ho Hi Ho, It's off to home I go...

Working on a Sunday... note to self...GET A LIFE.

Well I'm doing it to make this next week less painful - so big deal, I came in for 4 hours, did what I had to do and now I feel much better... sort of... because now its dark outside and therefore, Sunday is over and so then that means the weekend is over and that tomorrow I need to wake up and come right back here.

Why didn't I just bring a sleeping bag? HRUMPH!

Hey Snow White - bring some of those Juanita's Tortilla Chips when you come for Xmas!!! Those chips were the bestest...

Until tomorrow then...signing off...

Theme of the Week: "Gumption, Ms. McGill"

HELLISH WEEK HELLISH WEEK HELLISH WEEK ... the world has been almost overwhelming to me this week.

Simply exhausted...I don't even want to get into it.

I stayed til 9pm last night testing stuff, fine tuning our setup, etc. My mind is like a swamp, my eyes are red and itchy from overuse (note self, sign up for vision care next year - must have eyes checked) and then I get home, I'm so exhausted, I don't even feel like reading or doing much besides zoning out watching Working Girl because everything just swims in front of me.

But mostly the overwhelming part of this week has been that I've had to play a role I'm not used to playing. I've had to be the aggressive take-charge person and I'm so not that person typically and I can't say it felt entirely bad - it's just not the norm for me so it wasn't comfortable. But I'm just trying to get things done, to keep everyone focused to meet our deadlines and I constantly felt like a mother with 6 crazy bratty children - but mostly I did it to help myself because the bulk of this project is on MY shoulders and I can't do my piece without the others getting their tasks completed first.

SO. I had to kick people in the ass a bit and at first I felt a little guilty, as if I should apologize to some of them for coming off too strong, bitchy, grouchy, whatever and then this morning as I was wearily getting ready for work, I realized - why do girls get taught this? That if they are tough or lay down the law, they will not be liked or should have to diminish their voice, soften it in order to not be viewed as a bitch or something else derogatory? NO. It called for someone to step up and dot the I's and cross the T's and hold people accountable for not doing what they said they would do and just put her foot down and say "no excuses - JUST DO IT. Period."

Sigh sigh oh big sigh... but I'm sticking with all the wisdom I culled from last night's viewing of Working Girl which I'm wrapping up as the theme of the week:

Gumption, Ms. McGill.

GUMPTION.

Two New Recipes

I know, I should vary my sources a bit, but you know, I look at Mark Bittman's blog every week and every week, he has a recipe I want to try so SUE ME. Needless to say then, the two things I tried this weekend were from - ta da! - The Minimalist!:

Crisp Nori Snacks - these rocked! I could have devoured a whole package of 8 sheets of nori, but I refrained and just did 2. This was barely a recipe, just toasting the sheets and I've heard from Mollie Katzen that you can do the same with kale.
Something tells me I'll be trying that next.

The true delight was his Roasted Sweet Potato Salad with Black Beans and Chili Dressing. Truth be told, I could take out the black beans and I'd be fine but it does add that sort of southwestern thing I think he was going for but oh, roasted sweet potatoes and onions, oooh it just curls my toes right up.

This Moment of Wisdom, brought to you by:

My lovely sister, Snow White:

"If you stare at the wall, you will go into the wall...

SO STOP STARING AT THE WALL!!"

Indeed.

This is just to say...

this week has been HARD. Oh. My. God. And I don't mean a statue in Central Park. I mean the real guy - yes, I hold him responsible.

I'm exhausted but in a good way - things haven't been so crazy that I've lost myself in it all - I've been sooooooo good about taking care of me because I don't want a repeat of previous years and stressful times past where I get run down and can't sleep, look like shit, and then I collapse in a flu-like puddle of mud. Nope, this time, I vow to do it correctly. So, eating well, trying to get outside and walk around in the nicely chilly weather for some fresh air for my wan cheeks, and - ta da! - I'm starting yoga again tomorrow. I've gotten so squishy, I need to halt this process, lest it overtake me and I began to atrophy all over.

And I say exhausted in a good way because its all slightly thrilling, isn't it? The adrenaline rush I suppose, we have all these deadlines and queries must be run and SQL's must be created and things must be updated and tested and checked and we are running out of time and solutions must be devised and so on and so on, but I actually like this, except for the part where I get anxious at all there is to do and then I have minor freak outs on the inside and my head starts to hurt like it does now. But I like the problem solving aspect of all that I do and this week, I've been kicked into high gear so I get to show off a bit, don't I?

So I'm done for the night. For the week. Whew. Just breathe. A respite until Monday then, I'm signing off from wintry cold NYC - I had to pull out the winter coat and gloves today - but you know I love this, I'm totally digging the January preview.

Excerpt from The Sunflowers by Mary Oliver

A small reminder to myself to keep my face toward the sun - I don't always make the best sunflower:

"Come with me
to visit the sunflowers,
they are shy

but want to be friends;
they have wonderful stories
of when they were young -
the important weather,

the wandering crows.
Don't be afraid
to ask them questions!
Their bright faces,

which follow the sun,
will listen, and all
those rows of seeds -
each one a new life!

hope for a deeper acquaintance;
each of them, though it stands
in a crowd of many,
like a separate universe,

is lonely, the long work
of turning their lives
into a celebration
is not easy..."

It's here it's here!!

The chill!!! YES!!! Woo hoo!!!

I am SO much more an Autumn/Winter girl ... today marks the first day I was able to wear a scarf (with a light coat, but still) and all at once I feel much more at home...yes, once again, I get to bundle cutely(my mom and dad like that phrase I invented so I'll continue to use it). Oh I love that. I love sweaters and gloves and jackets and walking around with just enough chill so that you don't get sweaty from overexertion but your cheeks get rosy. Love love love it. It means so much, it means the leaves are changing color and falling from the trees, it means pumpkins and pomegranates, it means Christmas is coming, it means possible snow, it means, it means...

Oh its all too much to go into here but it means a lot to me.

SEEN!!!

Yes, I've had a celebrity sighting! And on the subway at that!!

This morning, on my way to work on the E train, when it stopped at 23rd/Ely, Czar Nicholas II got on...YES IT'S TRUE!!! Rumors of his untimely demise in the 1917 Russian Revolution aside, I guess he lives in Long Island City now. He looks just like this photo - he had on the naval cap, the same beard and a sort of dark blazer and seemed to be trying to appear like one of the Hipster Doofuses that live in Long Island City, Greenpoint, Williamsburg - I guess he's gone incognito, trying to "fit in".

Either that, or it was The Captain from The Captain and Tennille sans Tennille ... hmmm, now I'm not sure...

Peaceful, lovely moment (um, hour and a half really) sitting in Central Park reading this weekend - I like Literary Walk because of the multiple trees overhead and the large bronze statues look impressive watching over all of us - I have a thing with statues, I always picture them getting up off of their pedestals and coming to life - and also because for some reason, it's mostly people strolling through but not stopping to sit, so the benches are generally clear so therefore it's quiet. But I stopped this time mostly because there was a young man playing the cello there which I love - violin and cello can do no wrong to my ears - and so it's me and the pretty music and a chill in the autumn air and things feel good, don't they? I read for a while but the peoplewatching is also good there.

In the midst of all this calm reverie, a little boy comes running and yelling up to this statue that I was sitting right across from, cracking me up to no end:


"WHO IS THAT, DADDY, IS THAT GOD, IS IT, IS THAT GOD, WHO IS IT, IS THAT GOD, IS IT???!!!!"

Ha!!!!!!! But let him believe it is God, I say, then he has a nice place in the park to come and pray or sit and meditate or whatever he wants or needs. It's some poet actually I've never heard of, Fitz-Greene Halleck. He seems to have a kind but stern, intelligent face, seems respectable and upright and those are all qualities a God should have right?

So now, when I walk past him, I shall always give him a little wave, a tip of my hat and say "hi there, God..nice to see you again, looking well as usual...how's the missus?"

Proven Fact - there really is no use in crying over spilled milk!

I can attest to this - I cried over spilled milk on Wednesday. Chocolate soy milk, that is. I had gone to the market after work and decided to try chocolate soy milk as a treat and I thought it might taste good warmed up like hot cocoa. Fine.

So I get home, stick it in the fridge and I few hours later, I decided to taste it - turns out to be DEE-LISH-OUS. Yum. Stick it back in and shut the door. Minutes later, I pass by the kitchen again, getting ready for bed, I'm just exhausted from my hellish week, I can barely keep my eyes open but the chocolate soy milk is calling me and I decide to take a swig straight from the carton before brushing my teeth and calling it a night. I pick up the carton and start to shake it - since its soy milk, its gets kind of separated and chalky - and OF COURSE I didn't cap it tightly before.

Of course I didn't.

Rivulets, thick ribbons of chocolate soy milk stream out and all over my kitchen - the cabinets, the fridge, under the appliances, all over me, I standing in a puddle of it on the floor.

It's everywhere.

Did I already mention that I have no energy, that I feel half dead asleep,my back hurts, my neck hurts, my jaw aches from stress clenching? Now I have this mess to clean up and I just can't do it, I can't, I don't want to, I just want to go to bed. But I can't leave it there, or else I'll have roaches and bugs galore and then once it dries it will be all sticky and goddammit, why did I not check to make sure it was closed before I shook it, why am I so stupid, why don't I think before I act, oh why oh why oh why...

That's when all the frustration bubbled up and boiled over and I started to cry and what I really wanted to do was punch the wall and scream FUCK!!!!!!! at the top of my lungs and then snap my fingers or wiggle my nose a la Samantha and have the mess begone. Why have I never developed those powers?

And then I started laughing at myself because I was LITERALLY crying over spilled milk. It was so dumb, big deal, you doof, just wipe it up, jeez you big baby. I just thought it was hilarious. And then I got out a sponge, paper towels, and got to work.

Now that was fun - so let us see what other cliched sayings I can reenact in my daily life over the next week. Perhaps I CAN kill two birds with one stone? Get up at 5 AM to find an early bird actually eating the worm? Take up sewing so that I can discover that a stitch in time saves nine (I don't even know what that one means, does it really have anything to do with sewing)?

Ah, the joy of being me - you see how rapidly my emotions switched on me, coupled with my amazing ability to make mountains out of molehills, you'll begin to understand why I get tired so easily.

Happy Birthday To MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

That's right, it is the day of my birth. At 7:56 A.M. many moons ago, I was born, kicking and screaming and crying into this world. A trend that has continued right to this day.

It's been a pleasant day - it's been a very pleasant - busy, tiring, stressful, exciting - week. In short, things are good and I have much to be thankful for, don't I?

DON'T I?

I forget sometimes you know, I can get lost in a pity party easily or whatever but then I come in to work and there's a voicemail from Veronica on my work phone (3 in the past 3 days, I love it, I love summoning Kodachrome!) or something or someone made me smile on the train and then all is right with the day and I smile. Or an email from a Mother or a Father that makes me giggle.

Or today even, I got an award here at work - how nice is that? A little embarrassing because I don't really like the attention, but still it's a cool gesture - and they purposely waited to give it me on my birthday so it made the day just that much more sweet.

OOH and The Boss bought me lunch and a sweet treat, complete with a candle to make a wish upon and a warbling round of "Happy Birthday".

So that's all - I'm just grateful for all who have made me smile and feel warm and fuzzy today. And every other day. Merci beaucoup!!

Sweet Potato Saute

So I originally bought the sweet potatoes - or YAMS! - to be used in a "recipe of the week" but then I didn't really feel like going through with the whole to do of a longer recipe but was still hungry so I made up my own thing. As I'm prone to doing.

So - this turned out to be YUM-MEE, particularly if you enjoy the sweet potato version of the glorious French Fry. But I suppose this is better for you. I'm sure of it.

So you slice up the yam into thin slices - you want them to cook well and quickly, not burn so you need them similar size. Coat a frying pan with olive oil and when it's hot, add the slices, sprinkling with just a little salt to draw the water out. I then added herbes de Provence and a LIGHT shake of chili powder to make it a little smoky.

Keep them on medium heat, stirring only when you think there might be burning going on, but you want to leave them alone so that they get that nice caramelizing thing going on. When they get a sort of translucent look to them, you can flip them so they get sweetly crispy on the other side. When they are done enough for you - I like them pretty well done - shake a little more salt on top if needed and enjoy.

Not exactly a recipe, but I did enjoy the addition of the dried herbs and the chili powder so I just thought I'd mention it.

CrapSaidByMyDad

Inspired by Justin and "shitmydadsays" (http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays) - because I think his dad looks like my dad and says things that my dad might say - although with less cursing (sometimes)!:

"I'm like a fat dog lying on a porch licking his nuts" (received via text messaage regarding the Twins AND the Vikings on a roll)

Song of the Day....

Does this illustrate my mood, my current state of mind?

"That's when I reach for my revolver
That's when it all gets blown away
That's when I reach for my revolver
The spirit fights to find its way
That's when I reach for my revolver
That's when I reach for my revolver
That's when I reach for my revolver
That's when I reach for my revolver "

I'm about to pop off to some co-workers, so I closed the door to my office to barricade myself and sweetly hum the above tune..la la la...

You've been warned...

I wish I had...

There was a moment while I was on vacation for my family reunion in August and I was with my mom and dad on the Oregon Coast and we were waiting (and waiting and waiting - do you remember that place?!) for our fresh fish lunch (which was worth the wait) and the seating was limited (especially for us wait-ers) and so my mom sat while my dad and I stood next to her and she kept on looking up at us to talk and I remember looking down at her and thinking she looked so beautiful - her eyes, her skin, everything and I thought - this is how my dad probably sees her. But I didn't say anything at the time and I think I should have. For some reason that stayed with me, because that's how I see her too - even when she gets up in the morning and her hair sticks straight up like an even crazier Don King. But it stuck with me because I should have told her right then that I thought that and I didn't, I just kept it to myself - everyone deserves to hear they look beautiful, don't they?

So I'm using my powers for good, not evil and I'm going back in time and correcting the moment and I'm telling you now. Mom: you are beautiful.

Daddy - did I make her cry? :-)

Things are changing...the seasons have definitely turned, haven't they? That little autumn chill is here at last, thank god hallelujah - no more heat, please. I may regret those words once the reality of winter(i.e. no heat in my apartment) hits me but for now, I like being able to lay on my couch to read and not feel sweaty even though I'm not even moving. That's nice. To not stick to the fabric - that's a good thing. Yes, it gets darker earlier and the leaves are falling rapidly from the trees, I noticed that in walking around this weekend, the world has seemed to tilt a bit and so the wheel has come round again and I get that feeling that I used to get at this time of year, that new pencilsbookbaglunchbox feeling - this is really the new year, not January 1st. I get a little nostaglic for that, I used to love picking out a new Trapper Keeper and getting my pencil bag in order and buying new school supplies (I still love going to Staples by the way, all the pens and markers drive me wild) and getting notebooks color coordinated with my folders by subject.

Out with the old, in with the new, getting used to different teachers and subjects and schedules and this and that, time for pumpkins and squashes, Halloween candy, warm apple cider - all things Fall. I spent a good part of this weekend going through stuff, throwing out, redoing, cleaning, organizing, just trying to get all this "LIFE" stuff, this "ME" stuff, this junk cleared out and get it all together. I think I'm getting there...surely but slowly. So much for this Monday Musing - it's just me with my mind all scattered, compulsive listmaker that I am, thinking ahead at what I want done, how much I haven't done, how much time has passed, it's all passed too quickly and getting quicker all the time and feeling oh so very Willy Wonkaish, I have so much time and so little to do...

SCRATCH THAT! Reverse it...

To my favorite Octoberish poem then!

Who
The month of flowering's finished. The fruit's in,
Eaten or rotten. I am all mouth.
October's the month for storage.

The shed's fusty as a mummy's stomach:
Old tools, handles and rusty tusks.
I am at home here among the dead heads.

Let me sit in a flowerpot,
The spiders won't notice.
My heart is a stopped geranium.

If only the wind would leave my lungs alone.
Dogsbody noses the petals. They bloom upside down.
They rattle like hydrangea bushes.

Mouldering heads console me,
Nailed to the rafters yesterday:
Inmates who don't hibernate.

Cabbageheads: wormy purple, silver-glaze,
A dressing of mule ears, mothy pelts, but green-hearted,
Their veins white as porkfat.

O the beauty of usage!
The orange pumpkins have no eyes.
These halls are full of women who think they are birds.

This is a dull school.
I am a root, a stone, an owl pellet,
Without dreams of any sort...

I said: I must remember this, being small.
There were such enormous flowers,
Purple and red mouths, utterly lovely.

The hoops of blackberry stems made me cry.
Now they light me up like an electric bulb.
For weeks I can remember nothing at all.
- Sylvia Plath

Recipes of the Week(s)

These are no biggie, but you know they required preparation so I'm counting them in my final tally once the year is done.

My first mini recipe involved sauteing veggies with olive oil and garlic and using lavender as the fresh herb - this one was all about using your nose while eating not so much about the flavor - I think lavender sort of tastes similar to rosemary so the main point about cooking or baking with it is to inhale deeply and eating whatever it is slooooowly. Heavenly. I love fresh lavender. I've made lemon butter lavender cookies and a tea bread before, but never used it in a savory way. I also liked it because it made me feel French (well I'm am French, it's part of my European Mutt Genetic Mixture - for those who are counting, I'm mostly German Russian Swedish French - or as Grandma would say "we are from Alsace-Lorraine" - with a tiny bit of English/Irish/Spanish)

Okay, now that my bloodwork is out of the way, next on the list is a cold sesame noodles with cucumber type thing from the Bitten Blog that was good - I still have 2 cups of the tahini dressing in my fridge (very tasty on salads or over veggies) but today I saw that this week's Minimalist sounds even better, so I may have to try it next - Soba Salad with Spinach, Edamame, & Miso Dressing.

Lastly, we have a a stir-fry kind of thing with a Spicy Miso Sauce - alas, I don't cook meat at all, but this tasted like fantastic BBQ sauce and I got to imagining that it would have tasted nice on one of my dad's super fat (and PHAT) hamburgers or on grilled chicken or something. I got it from the GOOP site (yes, we all despise her I know, she's just TOO perfect, isn't she? Eh, we're all just jealous) - I'm willing to try the vegetarian recipes she gets since she probably has superduper access to the better Veggie People/Chefs of the world.

I also tried her Burdock & Carrot Kinpira - using a parsnip instead of the burdock though - and I declare it also a Success!

http://goop.com/newsletter/47/

Now as the weather is cooling and it's officially Autumn (as of Tuesday evening - did you feel your life, the world, the Universe, fall into a wonderful harmony as all the elements & vibrations sung together in a blissful balance? Yeah, me neither) I'm going to ramp it up and get very ambitious with the recipes and be MUCH better about doing one a week. There's about 15-16 weeks left in the year - lets see how much damage I can do...

The Alice In Wonderland Conversation of the Day

Boss (Cheshire Cat): We need to meet later to figure out where we are.

Me (Alice): I don't think we are anywhere.

Boss (Cheshire Cat): That's why we need to meet.

“But I don’t want to go among mad people,” Alice remarked. “Oh, you can’t help that,” said the Cat: “We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.” “How do you know I’m mad?” said Alice. “You must be,” said the Cat, “or you wouldn’t have come here.”

This was me on Monday night in my apartment...I was all peaceful, getting sleepy and ready for beddybyetime when all of a sudden, a huge fire breathing dragon appeared in my living room and it's a good thing I had my armor on and I was just sitting there, holding my sword and shield, waiting for some action. Good thing too my swordplay skills are up to par and so I was able to slay my foe, it dropped dead with a heaving gasp, a final breath of fire was exhaled and I stood weary but proud, the victor...

Okay, really, this is me making a mountain out of a molehill, a dragon out of a roach. Yes, that's right, I had a giant flying cockroach in my apartment, and though I did scream a scream and feel like sobbing, I had to be a big girl and kill it so I scurried for some shoes and my new can of Raid and the dumb ugly humongous bug disappeared and I freaked out because I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep unless I murdered it because I would just be imagining it in bed crawling all over me or dropping from the wall or ceiling on to my snoring, unaware head.

Oh, it was just too awful for words... and yet still, somehow, I'll go on...when I finally did see it near my couch, I doused the bugger with half the can of Raid and it would NOT DIE, it just went round and round in circles until finally collapsing, I'm still on the verge of tears because I was terrified the thing was going to take flight again and get in my hair and bring to life a recurring nightmare of mine but the dragon/alien roach was dead and now I was left with a more difficult chore.

I had to pick it up.

Now, when I lived at home, we used to kill bugs and put an upturned cup over it and leave it for my dad to pick up when he got home. I can't do that anymore, I'm the only pickerupper there is. It was so big and alien and had these long feeler thingies and hard fat shell, I just couldn't bear to touch it. So I got out my thick yellow dish washing gloves, took about 50 sheets of paper towels, looked at it, whimpered, looked at it some more, choked back some tears, psyched myself into how good I would feel once the demon monster was out of my apartment and then....

I just did it.

It was over... but see this is what I do, I make too much of everything, I immediately went into panic mode and said that's it, I'm moving tomorrow, I can't take this, I want some vodka, I can't handle anything, I'm such a wimp, Heather's so lucky she has Dan to do this sort of thing for her...etc etc etc

It was just a bug. Jeez.

I'm still moving though, just not until next year maybe and that's because my apartment building is so crappy and uncared for and that's why I see bugs in the first place, that and the walls are literally crumbling before my eyes. And undefeatable mold & mildew in my bathroom...oh you get the idea!

In any case, I'm keeping my sword close by at all times because you never know what lurks around the corner...

Earworms!!

I have 3 currently...one is all Vin Scelsa's fault, I listen to Idiot's Delight on WFUV most Sat nights and last Saturday he did a whole string based on or connected to Beethoven's Ode to Joy that led to Bright Eyes "Road to Joy" and I cannot stop listening to it, especially in the morning as I'm laying in bed, readying myself to GET UP ALREADY STOP LAYING THERE LISTENING TO THE 1010WINS YOU ARE GOING TO BE WAY LATE!!!!!

So I've been putting on my iPod right before I'm ready to rise and blast most especially the last part of the song -

"The sun came up with no conclusion
Flowers sleeping in their beds
This city's cemetery's humming
I’m wide-awake, it’s morning!!!!"

Which he is screaming..but it makes me do that in my head and then I feel ready to face the day...

Okay, second one goes along the same lines - lately I've been Beatle obsessed all over again and I seem to have "Helter Skelter" on repeat and it makes me want to scream in my head too- which I'm doing anyhow most of the time so it might as well be in song form, no?

Third one is "Together We Are Both Alone" by Nicole Atkins - love love love this song. Good for blasting on the iPod too, especially when she sings

"I dreamt of everything,
I tried to make this all right
It’s all right, it’s all right, it’s all right (repeat)"

It's just comforting to hear "it's all right" over and over - that's what I like best about this...especially on a day like today, I mostly feel like either kicking someone in the head repeatedly or hiding under my desk. I'm a little off, a little moody, a little pissed off at the world in general.

BAH!

Let me get back to work and my day and see if anything good can be salvaged from it...it's all right it's all right it's all right...

Happy Birthday Wishes to Snow White

Snow White!!!

"How old are you, how old are you, how old is my sister, how old are you?" (that's to be sung in the tune of Happy Birthday, of course!)

AND MANY MORE....on channel four... and let's not leave out... YOU SMELL LIKE A MONKEY...and YOU LOOK LIKE ONE TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Lots of love and hugs and blessings to my most favorite HeatherAngelSister!!!!!

(I'm just including this pic because I love the look they caught me giving...am I jealous of you two-fisting the liquor?!)

A Gross NYC Tale

So I'm sitting outside during my lunch break sipping on my fruit smoothie - lovely day, sun is shining, a breeze is blowing, not too hot out...should have been a perfect 20 minutes.

Should have been.

But then this icky corpulent dude with a long frizzy goatee came and sat near me. He lit up a cigarette and proceeded to hawk up lugey after lugey and then would spit it up onto the concrete. After a number of spits, he turned my way and I could see he obviously wasn't a good spitter because some of the spittle was stuck on his disgusting goatee.

Fine - I was almost done with my break anyway. Let me just eat my banana in peace and then I'm gone.

Along came this other guy who asked Icky Dude for a light - he just shook his head and said he didn't have any more matches. So the guy asked well can I use your cigarette to light mine and Icky Dude declined. So the other guy sets down his coffee cup on the planter where we are both sitting and goes over to another group of smokers to get a light.

I get up to leave but as I do, I see Icky Dude lean over and SPIT in the guy's coffee cup!

THE NERVE.

And I feel bad because I couldn't see where the coffee cup guy had gone and I had to head back to work - so I just prayed that he didn't take a sip of the coffee, I hoped to God he was finished with it...I'm gagging at the thought of it...but it's his fault for setting it down there...isn't it? Or am I a bad person for not sticking around to warn him? This is NYC, you can't do that here!! At the very least, a pigeon might poop in it, not to mention an Icky Dude spitting in it.

THE END!

Recipe of the Week: Red Lentil Koftas

Ah, a Turkish dish! And this dish was (is) delish! I say IS because this recipe makes for quite a huge batch and since it's only me eating it, I guess it's dinner for the next week. Which is just fine, I don't always feel like cooking or preparing much when I get home - which is why there haven't been too many recipes of the week this summer - I find myself just eating salads and those are boring to post here or eating frozen fruit because it's been so hot since I got back from vacation and who wants to labor over a hot stove? Not I. I've barely been able to muster the strength to chop wood and carry water, let alone chop veggies and boil water.

So, I've been meaning to try my hand at this for over a year - I had something similar at a restaurant in Astoria (where they were called Red Sonjas and yes I mainly wanted to make them based on the cool name) but also because they are quite yummy. So click HERE for the recipe I used - with a few alterations because I wanted that Emerilish BAM! factor. I used a whole can of tomato paste, a spoonful of hot sauce and I upped the fresh spices - I used a ton of fresh mint, not a teaspoon of dried, I used almost all the fresh parsley and dill I bought as well - and I think that it benefits from being made ahead of time - the next day, it was totally BAMMING!! One thing I would do differently is cook the lentils in some stock so that they are saved from being boring - I just added some chicken bouillon at the end instead of seasoning with salt.

When it's all cooked and cooled, you just form them into little balls and put them in the lettuce leaf, wrap it up like a taco or dumpling, et voila, you've got yourself a tasty Turkish delight. Enjoy!

My test has failed...

I'm just reporting that my week was NOT supercalifragilistic or expialidocious. It just was a whole lotta nothing. Blah. Mostly due to the fact that I was plagued by the Sleep Disorder this week, much to my dismay, despite all efforts to not have the Sleep Disorder. I tried, I really tried, I did all the things I'm supposed to do - I had my sleepytime cup of tea, I tried to get into a routine the last hour, I didn't watch or read or listen to anything too abrupt or stimulating. I was exhausted ... and still I didn't sleep enough. Which makes me quite the grumpy gal (right, Daddy?). Plus, it makes me mentally low and not myself and I don't feel like doing much and I think it makes me look ugly, aged. Really. But mostly it makes me an ugly person on the inside, so I tried so hard to bite my tongue and be sweet and not take it out on others. I don't want to be THAT person. You know the one I'm talking about! If you don't, well then maybe it's YOU.

For the most part, I succeeded - I was a total bitch inside, sweetness and light on the outside. And last night I got some decent REM sleep so I feel more like myself today and I had a delovely sushi lunch with the Bushwick Bird and she makes me laugh and smile so it was a nice way to cap off the so-so week.

BLAH. I need to do something fun this weekend, methinks. Me is thinking a museum? Perhaps.

But - one thing made me particularly happy - someone finally after all these years, decided it was time to replay The Beatles Anthology. 14 years ago, I was still in college and going down to Aunt Jill's in Virginia for Thanksgiving and working on one of my senior papers (on Rabelais which I ended up not writing because it was too much, too dense - so how very Rabelaisian of Rabelais) that weekend but instead I watched the Beatles Anthology with her and thinking "oh this will come on again so if I miss some of it, it's no big deal".

Well, it's never come on again - until this week - yay! So Wednesday on VH1 they played the first 2 hours but I like the later Beatles best so that section will be aired next Wednesday. Sigh...they were all so cute ...

So that's that, the week is over... it's all rainy and gray and chilly out right now, perfect stay at home & read & have some sake weather - yes that's right - SAKE!!