HELLISH WEEK HELLISH WEEK HELLISH WEEK ... the world has been almost overwhelming to me this week.
Simply exhausted...I don't even want to get into it.
I stayed til 9pm last night testing stuff, fine tuning our setup, etc. My mind is like a swamp, my eyes are red and itchy from overuse (note self, sign up for vision care next year - must have eyes checked) and then I get home, I'm so exhausted, I don't even feel like reading or doing much besides zoning out watching Working Girl because everything just swims in front of me.
But mostly the overwhelming part of this week has been that I've had to play a role I'm not used to playing. I've had to be the aggressive take-charge person and I'm so not that person typically and I can't say it felt entirely bad - it's just not the norm for me so it wasn't comfortable. But I'm just trying to get things done, to keep everyone focused to meet our deadlines and I constantly felt like a mother with 6 crazy bratty children - but mostly I did it to help myself because the bulk of this project is on MY shoulders and I can't do my piece without the others getting their tasks completed first.
SO. I had to kick people in the ass a bit and at first I felt a little guilty, as if I should apologize to some of them for coming off too strong, bitchy, grouchy, whatever and then this morning as I was wearily getting ready for work, I realized - why do girls get taught this? That if they are tough or lay down the law, they will not be liked or should have to diminish their voice, soften it in order to not be viewed as a bitch or something else derogatory? NO. It called for someone to step up and dot the I's and cross the T's and hold people accountable for not doing what they said they would do and just put her foot down and say "no excuses - JUST DO IT. Period."
Sigh sigh oh big sigh... but I'm sticking with all the wisdom I culled from last night's viewing of Working Girl which I'm wrapping up as the theme of the week:
Gumption, Ms. McGill.
GUMPTION.
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