Do you understand how much my hair has an impact on my day and mood and general all around quality of life? I have funky hair. It does not do what I ask it to - it has a mind of its own and does what it feels like doing, and sometimes - like today - that is quite contrary to what I desire. It's as if God had a sense of humor when bestowing upon me the Hair Gene and said: "Lets do something REALLY different here, lets really let this small thing challenge her on a constant basis ... lets see what she makes of it" - of course I couldn't have normal hair. Of course. I'm me - things are typically left of center and usually that's fine. It's just the way I am ...

but WHY OH WHY must my hair cause me such distress?

There was a book of Allie's when she was little called "Aaron's Hair" that always cracked me up - maybe she can write a book for little girls in a bad mood called "Auntie Nikki's Hair" and she can describe my trials and tribulations in a humorous and educational way so that others may learn from me and my misgivings.

This is all to say that I should have stayed home today, I should have pulled those covers right over my head and taken the day to regroup, organize the self, and perhaps, some sort of deep conditioning follicle treatment. I have been in a horrible mood since I woke up, I feel like my face is frozen in a snarl, I look like crap, I feel like crap, I'm overwhelmed with work and life and as if it's all flailing out of control. I have the same anxious feeling I get when I think about space too much or the environment - like in the movie Sex Lies and Videotape, she's all upset about the garbage and where will we put it. I totally get like that. A sense of something so unwieldly and out of my control that I want to burst into tears at the mere mention of it.

So back to my hair. I've tried all day to fight the good fight and just get on with it, plaster on a fake smile, anything, to no avail. I finally just went out and got some curl/frizz cream and that seems to have soothed it down off of the ledge but the rest of me remains irritable as hell. What shall be the remedy? Well, I have to leave work early to go to the dentist - now I doubt that will help much. Then I'm going to a play starring Mr. Big that is only costing me 10 bucks even though normally the tickets are $65 ... maybe its just the thing. He does have nice hair though, so maybe it will throw me for a loop and I'll get all envious and rush the stage to attack him in a jealous rage.

Say a prayer for me please? I don't want to be this version of me. I want to be the happy cheery HURRAH! Me. Not the uglyontheinside/uglyontheoutside ME.

I just had a nice long talk with someone here and I feel better. Whew! Found my center again. But still....

My wish is for tomorrow to be a prettier day for us all, inside and out. Stay tuned to see what has become of me....