This was me on Monday night in my apartment...I was all peaceful, getting sleepy and ready for beddybyetime when all of a sudden, a huge fire breathing dragon appeared in my living room and it's a good thing I had my armor on and I was just sitting there, holding my sword and shield, waiting for some action. Good thing too my swordplay skills are up to par and so I was able to slay my foe, it dropped dead with a heaving gasp, a final breath of fire was exhaled and I stood weary but proud, the victor...

Okay, really, this is me making a mountain out of a molehill, a dragon out of a roach. Yes, that's right, I had a giant flying cockroach in my apartment, and though I did scream a scream and feel like sobbing, I had to be a big girl and kill it so I scurried for some shoes and my new can of Raid and the dumb ugly humongous bug disappeared and I freaked out because I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep unless I murdered it because I would just be imagining it in bed crawling all over me or dropping from the wall or ceiling on to my snoring, unaware head.

Oh, it was just too awful for words... and yet still, somehow, I'll go on...when I finally did see it near my couch, I doused the bugger with half the can of Raid and it would NOT DIE, it just went round and round in circles until finally collapsing, I'm still on the verge of tears because I was terrified the thing was going to take flight again and get in my hair and bring to life a recurring nightmare of mine but the dragon/alien roach was dead and now I was left with a more difficult chore.

I had to pick it up.

Now, when I lived at home, we used to kill bugs and put an upturned cup over it and leave it for my dad to pick up when he got home. I can't do that anymore, I'm the only pickerupper there is. It was so big and alien and had these long feeler thingies and hard fat shell, I just couldn't bear to touch it. So I got out my thick yellow dish washing gloves, took about 50 sheets of paper towels, looked at it, whimpered, looked at it some more, choked back some tears, psyched myself into how good I would feel once the demon monster was out of my apartment and then....

I just did it.

It was over... but see this is what I do, I make too much of everything, I immediately went into panic mode and said that's it, I'm moving tomorrow, I can't take this, I want some vodka, I can't handle anything, I'm such a wimp, Heather's so lucky she has Dan to do this sort of thing for her...etc etc etc

It was just a bug. Jeez.

I'm still moving though, just not until next year maybe and that's because my apartment building is so crappy and uncared for and that's why I see bugs in the first place, that and the walls are literally crumbling before my eyes. And undefeatable mold & mildew in my bathroom...oh you get the idea!

In any case, I'm keeping my sword close by at all times because you never know what lurks around the corner...